Indulgence: Ultimate Relaxation

I feel so relaxed and like myself again. I just came from having this spa treatment which was supposed to be 2 hours, but became 3 as the therapist tried to make up for a mistake that the spa made in booking me. Because I didn't worry about any of it, it actually made my experience better. Because they were late, they had me start with a eucalyptus wet suana. Then, a body scrub and mask, face and foot massage, hot shower with aromatherapy body wash, massage, and shindoara - which is warm oil drizzled on your forehead directly onto your third eye (supposedly). Then, the therapist made me a snack.

I think she was shocked when I told her the trauma that led me to spoil myself today. She asked me why I don't move. I have to admit that I hate that question. It really isn't that easy to move, and I don't think running away is going to solve anything - especially since the danger is over now.

When she poured the oil on at the end, I tried to visualize letting go of all of my anger and sadness, to let it just fall off my forehead with the oil. I am really glad that I did this for myself. I also tried to meditate throughout and focus on keeping myself in the present moment - something that I know I have been struggling with for awhile. It really helped me. Still, I have a hard time bringing myself to do stuff like these kinds of treatments because they are so self-indulgent. I feel like Buddhist practice should be about not needing stuff like this and going without and connecting to other things in the world. I wonder how I can spend this kind of money on myself when there are so many people suffering from lack of basic needs like food, water, and shelter. It makes me feel selfish. I know part of this feeling is rooted in the fact that my father would call me selfish growing up and yadayada, but part of it is based on the reality of global inequality.

Well, at least for tonight, I'm going to try to stay in the relaxation mode and just let go of these other thoughts.