JewBu Quest: From Abuse to Happiness

JewBu: a Jew who practices forms of Buddhist meditation & spirituality. This blog documents my quest to 1) heal from sexual, verbal, and emotional abuse, 2) come to terms with losing Mom and Grandma to Alzheimers, 3) find balance, explore the spiritual, stay present. Bascially, I've experienced some pretty crappy shit in my life and want to find a way to move past it and find happiness.

Friday, May 26, 2006

Leavin On a Jet Plane....And He's Asleep in My Bed!

Well, I leave tomorrow for KC for two weeks to set things up for staying for at least the summer to help take care of my mom and hopefully also get my dad back on track as well. I guess that I'll go visit my grandmother as well, even though it kills me to see her the way that she is. I'm feeling overwhelmed tonight. I had dinner with my ex-girlfriend, who clearly wanted to make out with me, but I just didn't have it in me to make a move - because of *A* and because I'm just feeling a little dead inside. I have a horrible migrane today, that actually went away for awhile while I was at dinner. I picked up drunken *A* from downtown at his request, and he almost immediately went upstairs into my bed and passed out. He's snoring horribly loud right now, and I don't know how I'm supposed to sleep with this shit. I'm also just disappointed that he wouldn't want to spend the evening snuggling with my and making out with me. I mean yes, okay, this is what I want. I'm having a hard time, and I want him to help me feel alive again, like I can just live a little bit. Dinner was really nice, on the beach, very romantic. I don't know what the hell is wrong with me. Well actually, clearly I know what's wrong with me; I just don't know how to fix it.

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