JewBu Quest: From Abuse to Happiness

JewBu: a Jew who practices forms of Buddhist meditation & spirituality. This blog documents my quest to 1) heal from sexual, verbal, and emotional abuse, 2) come to terms with losing Mom and Grandma to Alzheimers, 3) find balance, explore the spiritual, stay present. Bascially, I've experienced some pretty crappy shit in my life and want to find a way to move past it and find happiness.

Tuesday, July 04, 2006

Conversations: Progression of Mom and Grandma's Alzheimers, Dad Likely Has Cancer

I got a call from my dad's best friend, Vada. She just came from visiting my mom. She said that mom is getting noticiably worse. Mom did say though to Vada that she likes the facility and that people are very nice to her.

Vada also told me that she nags my father to go to the doctor every time she talks to him. Vada: I think maybe he put your mom into the home because he wanted to get things settled for her since he seems to realize that something's seriously wrong with him. (This made me very anxious.) We spoke about different people we know who had treatable cancers but died from lack of treatment. I told her that I think my dad may have throat cancer.

I called my mom to check on her for myself and wish her a happy 4th of July. It was frustrating that the care managers kept talking amongst themselves, almost annoyed with me, "What does she want?" "You talk to her." I could hear them through the phone. Then, I heard someone asking where my mom was, clearly she wasn't in the common areas doing the activity with someone else. "She's probably in her room," I heard someone say. (This frustrates me because Mom does much better when doing activities then when left on her own in her room.)

Mom didn't understand when the care manager handed her the phone, so I just started talking "Mom?" She knew immediately who I am. She asked me when I'll be out to visit. I told her that I'm in California but that I'll be there in another week or two and that I miss her too. She sounded pretty calm, but confused about what's going on. (This makes me sad, I just miss my mom so much and wish she didn't have to go through this.)

I then called my aunt, to remind her that my grandma gets super anxious with fireworks, but that maybe if they take out her hearing aids before hand, she won't realize. (My grandmother is practically deaf now without her hearing aids.) My aunt: She's in bed well before the sun goes down, so I'm sure they'll be out. Grandma's doing really bad. We're trying to adjust her meds, but she's crying all the time. It is hard to see. (I know; this is why I literally can't stand to visit her.) Me: I was thinking about coming by with my dog after I get in town; I think that'll cheer her up.


Anonymous Peg said...

Im sorry to hear about your Dad..if this helps any my Dad had cancer of the throat in 1997..its the easiest kind of cancer to get rid of. My Dad had is voice box removed in June 8, 1997 which happened to be my birthday, I was pregnant with my first baby...i truely thought that my Dad would never see his grandson, but 9 years later his is doing fine. He uses a battery operated voice proctesis and talks very well. Can you tell me what his symtoms are ie. swellling neck, horse voice. Im here to help if you need me.

Wednesday, July 05, 2006 9:25:00 PM  
Blogger Karma said...

Thanks Peg,
Yes, his voice is hoarse. I haven't noticed if his neck is swollen, but he has also had rapid weight loss, loss of appetite, he looks like he's aged a lot in the last six months (all of a sudden looks 10 years older). Recently, he's started having chest pain and trouble breathing. I think it may be lung cancer. He smoked for 40 years (but he quit 10 years ago). His mother died of cancer. The problem is that he won't get treatment if he's diagnosed because of his issues with modern medicine - no surgery, no chemo, no radiation. He kinda doesn't even believe in these things. Well, maybe surgery he'd do. But god knows how long this has all been going on too because he doesn't talk about it at all. I had just started noticing things and bringing it up.

Thursday, July 06, 2006 8:29:00 AM  
Blogger Karma said...

Holy hell. I just got off the phone with my dad. He has his first doctor's appointment in two years tomorrow. I asked if maybe he wants to make a list of his symptoms. He said "well, all I have is the little blood in my speutem and the weight loss." I didn't know about the couching up blood. This is lung cancer.

Thursday, July 06, 2006 9:19:00 AM  
Blogger Gail Rae said...

Good on ya, mate,
That, although you are distressed that your grandmother is in tears so much of the time, now, and you afraid to visit with her, you are also considering ways to make such a visit more pleasant for both of you.
See? You have good instincts, Karma. Continue to trust them.

Wednesday, July 12, 2006 1:19:00 PM  

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