A Really Good Night: So This Is What It Feels Like

I had a great night last night. Well, I guess a good day all around. I had lunch with a good friend, went to therapy, from therapy to acupunture. I had dinner at Dad's place by myself, which was a gift to just have some time alone with my dog. Then, I went to my mom's, and mom was doing really well. The people are making much more of an effort, and it was clear that it made a difference for her. She was much calmer and better functioning.

After I tucked her into bed, even though it was raining, I met this guy (for the second time) who I met online at match.com, where I put up a profile a little while ago just as a distraction. We met at the Westport Coffee House, and it felt really good to get out of the burbs. I just had a really nice time, and even though there was chemistry, he didn't make a move, and it just made me feel really respected and I don't know. We talked for awhile about spirituality and things that are meaningful and deep but not too heavy and depressing. I even managed to stop myself from talking too much about my research or even mentioning that I'm a survivor.

When I came back, I didn't even really want to eat or drink anything, I just went to sleep. I didn't even turn on the television. And because I was so relaxed last night, I slept great, and feel so much better today.

This makes me realize that getting through all of this sanely is a spiritual practice of delving into really horrific things but keeping my life balanced with work and friends and taking care of myself and just having fun every once in awhile. I think because I was more relaxed, my mom was more relaxed also. At the support group meeting last night, someone noted that when caregivers start taking anti-depressants, they say that the person that they're caring for's condition improves....because clearly they respond to how we're doing. So, I should think about taking care of myself as also taking care of my mom.