JewBu Quest: From Abuse to Happiness

JewBu: a Jew who practices forms of Buddhist meditation & spirituality. This blog documents my quest to 1) heal from sexual, verbal, and emotional abuse, 2) come to terms with losing Mom and Grandma to Alzheimers, 3) find balance, explore the spiritual, stay present. Bascially, I've experienced some pretty crappy shit in my life and want to find a way to move past it and find happiness.

Thursday, August 03, 2006

A Really Good Night: So This Is What It Feels Like

I had a great night last night. Well, I guess a good day all around. I had lunch with a good friend, went to therapy, from therapy to acupunture. I had dinner at Dad's place by myself, which was a gift to just have some time alone with my dog. Then, I went to my mom's, and mom was doing really well. The people are making much more of an effort, and it was clear that it made a difference for her. She was much calmer and better functioning.

After I tucked her into bed, even though it was raining, I met this guy (for the second time) who I met online at match.com, where I put up a profile a little while ago just as a distraction. We met at the Westport Coffee House, and it felt really good to get out of the burbs. I just had a really nice time, and even though there was chemistry, he didn't make a move, and it just made me feel really respected and I don't know. We talked for awhile about spirituality and things that are meaningful and deep but not too heavy and depressing. I even managed to stop myself from talking too much about my research or even mentioning that I'm a survivor.

When I came back, I didn't even really want to eat or drink anything, I just went to sleep. I didn't even turn on the television. And because I was so relaxed last night, I slept great, and feel so much better today.

This makes me realize that getting through all of this sanely is a spiritual practice of delving into really horrific things but keeping my life balanced with work and friends and taking care of myself and just having fun every once in awhile. I think because I was more relaxed, my mom was more relaxed also. At the support group meeting last night, someone noted that when caregivers start taking anti-depressants, they say that the person that they're caring for's condition improves....because clearly they respond to how we're doing. So, I should think about taking care of myself as also taking care of my mom.

7 Comments:

Anonymous Deb Peterson said...

Karma--This is so good to hear! You deserve to have many more days like this!

Friday, August 04, 2006 5:16:00 PM  
Anonymous kathryn said...

I'm glad you've had a good experience. I'm new to your blog and life, and it seems you are undergoing some tremendously painful times. Sending good thoughts your way...

Friday, August 04, 2006 5:30:00 PM  
Blogger Karma said...

I hope so too, Deb! Kathryn, welcome to my blog. I appreciate your support.

Saturday, August 05, 2006 8:14:00 AM  
Blogger Karma said...

So what do you think it means that I haven't heard from this guy? Does it not matter because it is helping me deal with my mom or is this a sign that meeting guys isn't the way to cope?

Sunday, August 06, 2006 10:13:00 PM  
Blogger Karma said...

Really, I'm not totally obsessing over this, but it turns out that he took down his profile from the website. There must be something going on with this guy, but it is hard to not take it personally.

Monday, August 07, 2006 9:39:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

My warning light is blinking, now that I read he took down his profile. As you already know, you do not need to be absorbed into anyone else's issues. I'm glad you had a good evening with him, but I suppose it's possible he thought he was ready for something he's not. I mean in general, not with YOU. He's the one who's a coward for not answering your email, at least saying goodbye to explain his dissapearance. You're looking for companionship, warmth, understanding. How can a person give those things if they do not feel they have those things within themselves? Perhaps I'm reading too much into this, but my heart tells me you are better off without him if he's already become dust in the wind. I'm glad you've found this out sooner than later, K.

Love, S.

Tuesday, August 08, 2006 8:29:00 AM  
Blogger Karma said...

Grr, at this point, I really just need a fling nights after putting my mom to bed. But yes, I'm better off without him if there's such a messed up situation.

Tuesday, August 08, 2006 8:55:00 PM  

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