JewBu Quest: From Abuse to Happiness

JewBu: a Jew who practices forms of Buddhist meditation & spirituality. This blog documents my quest to 1) heal from sexual, verbal, and emotional abuse, 2) come to terms with losing Mom and Grandma to Alzheimers, 3) find balance, explore the spiritual, stay present. Bascially, I've experienced some pretty crappy shit in my life and want to find a way to move past it and find happiness.

Monday, April 10, 2006

Letter to My Therapist

I'm switching therapists, and the old one wants to meet today for one last time. I'm preparing some thoughts of what I want to say to her. Here they are:

Dear Dr. W:

I've been meeting with you for about two years, and I am grateful for all of the time and effort that you have put into helping me. However, as you know, I think that it is important for me to stop our sessions.

You have helped me to recognize many areas in life where I need to work on improvement and that it is necessary to allow myself to feel every emotion that arises inside myself. You have also passed on to me an interest in Buddhist practice.

With PTSD, it is vital that I find a therapudic space where I feel safe. I no longer feel that with you. I think that there is significant counter-transference and that it is common for issues to arise in our session that reflect your issues. You often give me advice, which is counter-productive because even if it is good advice, it makes me feel forced and resistant, and sometimes the advice does not take into account important considerations about me. Sessions with you often leave me feeling overwhelmed, disempowered, and helpless. You often say negative things about positive steps that I take (especially when they don't reflect your advice). On numerous occassions, we have debated decisions that I have made, where your opinion was clear. This led me to have anxiety about following through with my decisions.

I know that everything you have said has been with good intentions.

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