JewBu Quest: From Abuse to Happiness

JewBu: a Jew who practices forms of Buddhist meditation & spirituality. This blog documents my quest to 1) heal from sexual, verbal, and emotional abuse, 2) come to terms with losing Mom and Grandma to Alzheimers, 3) find balance, explore the spiritual, stay present. Bascially, I've experienced some pretty crappy shit in my life and want to find a way to move past it and find happiness.

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Home Sweet Home...but no dog

It feels really good to be home, even though my dog is still in KC with my dad. I'm jet lagged. The next few weeks are going to be ridiculous because I'm 3 times crossing time zones in 3 weeks, and each time, it'll take me longer to adjust then I'll be at a place. I'm not sleeping very well, in part because of the jet lag and in part because I just worry about my mom. I need to start forcing myself to do the Stress Eraser before I go to bed, even though I'm exhausted and just pass out. All of this traveling is really expensive, and I'm noticing that I'm shopping more as a coping mechanism, I think in part because it is what I used to do with my mom.

I haven't heard from Z at all, which is disappointing. I have tons of work to do, but the disorientation and exhaustion and whatever else make it hard for me to concentrate. I haven't been able to concentrate well for like 6 months now, and it is really frustrating. My stomach is really upset because of the antibiotic that I had to take after the root canal. I have acidophis stuff that I'm taking, but it'll be a little while before I'm back to normal. I think that I feel that way about everything. I feel like I'm in this period of trying to heal and cope and things not being right, and that this is just the way that they'll be for awhile. Oh well, at least I'm home right now.

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