JewBu Quest: From Abuse to Happiness

JewBu: a Jew who practices forms of Buddhist meditation & spirituality. This blog documents my quest to 1) heal from sexual, verbal, and emotional abuse, 2) come to terms with losing Mom and Grandma to Alzheimers, 3) find balance, explore the spiritual, stay present. Bascially, I've experienced some pretty crappy shit in my life and want to find a way to move past it and find happiness.

Monday, June 12, 2006

Whirlwind

So, I only have a couple of hours before I need to have my dad take me to my mom's, say goodbye, fly back home, pull together work stuff, blah blah, fly across country for a few days for work, go back home, write an encyclopedia entry, make room in my place for A to move in, fly back to KC. I went to therapy this morning and found myself just wanting to vent instead of actually wanting to think through anything. I wonder if it is really a good idea to be staying with my dad all summer so that I can take care of my mom. Maybe I should stay at my grandmother's empty place, even though that's creepy and I'd probably feel guilty about going to visit her if I did that, and then it seems ridiculous to spend thousands of dollars on a hotel, but maybe if I consider how much therapy I might be saving myself!....actually I think in some ways it is good for both my dad and I that I'm here, but it is also really draining on me and I don't like having him get into my head....being around him so much, it lets his way of seeing the world enter my mind.....grrr, okay, must pack!

4 Comments:

Anonymous Peg Lee said...

Karma,
Just wanted to tell you that i know how you must feel...i would give absulutely anything to be able to take care of my Mom full time. But I have different circumstances that hold me back; 2 young boys, a job that i cant do from home (cant afford to take a family medical leave). My heart breaks daily, I feel that im loosing my best friend. Although im gaining alot of good qualities that i never thought i had in me. This difficulity only makes me a stronger person. Take Care and Keep Journaling.
Peg

Monday, June 12, 2006 1:47:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wishing you a very safe flight, K. Things are in whirlwind mode right now, but when you do not hear the clock literally clicking -- perhaps staying with your dad will be bearable, and you can take the time you need for yourself. Perhaps your grandmother's can be a fallback, a place to take it easy when you need private time during the day? Just a crazy idea.

You are a strong woman and I know you will get through this. Hope your trip goes well!

S.

Tuesday, June 13, 2006 10:56:00 AM  
Blogger Karma said...

Thanks Peg. I want to be there all the time with her, even though I can't and even if I could, it wouldn't be healthy. I feel very blessed to be able to have my job and the time with mom and everything. Anyway, I appreciate your support. Keep reading and commenting!

Tuesday, June 13, 2006 1:27:00 PM  
Blogger Karma said...

Thanks Sanchi. I need to talk to my aunt to get access to my Grandmother's, which might be a good thing to do, but I don't get along with her and I think that Grandma's place doesn't get utilities since she was in Florida for the Winter before going into the nursing home. I think it'll all be about boundaries with my dad. Anyway, I got home safe. Thanks for thinking about me.

Tuesday, June 13, 2006 1:42:00 PM  

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