JewBu Quest: From Abuse to Happiness

JewBu: a Jew who practices forms of Buddhist meditation & spirituality. This blog documents my quest to 1) heal from sexual, verbal, and emotional abuse, 2) come to terms with losing Mom and Grandma to Alzheimers, 3) find balance, explore the spiritual, stay present. Bascially, I've experienced some pretty crappy shit in my life and want to find a way to move past it and find happiness.

Friday, July 21, 2006

Conflicts and Identities

I had a really bad migraine yesterday, but I still managed to get up to tuck mom into bed. I brought the dog with me, which Mom always really enjoys, even though she stopped recognizing her. They did a sing-a-long at Mom's ALF, which is one of her favorite activities, but it was really annoying that the equipment didn't work, and no one bothered to knock on residents' doors to get them to come participate. The activity only really happened because me and someone else's daughter really pushed for it. They kept singing these Christian songs.

After it ended, I turned on "Fiddler on the Roof", and Mom and I sang along to the songs. One of the male residents who stuck around was awed that we knew all the words to the songs, as he didn't recognize the movie at all. Then, I tucked Mom into bed, which she gets such a kick out of.

Tonight, I am not sure what I'll due. It is my dad's mom's yahrzeit (memorial of her death), and my dad wants to go to shul tonight. Services are at 8pm. I normally go to my Mom's around 7pm. I am tempted to try and bring my mom, but she doesn't have the attention span to sit through services, and Kaddish is at the end of services, so now I'm torn between being there for my mom and being there for my dad.


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