JewBu Quest: From Abuse to Happiness

JewBu: a Jew who practices forms of Buddhist meditation & spirituality. This blog documents my quest to 1) heal from sexual, verbal, and emotional abuse, 2) come to terms with losing Mom and Grandma to Alzheimers, 3) find balance, explore the spiritual, stay present. Bascially, I've experienced some pretty crappy shit in my life and want to find a way to move past it and find happiness.

Sunday, July 16, 2006

Stress, Impatience, & Taking Care of Myself

Even after my very relaxed days, I'm still feeling the surge of stress return. I leave town tomorrow for KC and have so much work to do before I go. Even though I know him better, I'm shocked that *A* hasn't said a single word about our relationship and what he wants or what we have or what he doesn't want, or some kind of clueing me in. Last night, he ended up staying up until almost 1am watching Saturday Night Live. We normally tape it because I have to be asleep by 11:30 to follow my sleep schedule. (I'm trying to recover from PTSD induced insomnia.) I even called down twice for him to turn off the tv because I couldn't sleep with it on, but he just left it on. I was so pissed off. And I really don't need anything to increase my stress level.

I want to try to stay focused on taking care of myself. I brought up a guided imagry CD after the *A* fiasco and finally fell back asleep. I think that taking care of myself has to be the highest priority - over work, over taking care of my family. I am so drained that if I don't stay really focused on taking care of myself, I'm not going to be able to keep up anything else.

So, I'm going to try to let go of my anger with *A*, and for the rest of the day figure out what I need to do to transition to Kansas City. I've got appointments in KC already with a therapist, an acupunturist, a massage therapist, and to get my hair cut. I tried to arrange that at least for the first week, I've got something set up for myself almost every day, about one hour is time just to relax.


Blogger Karma said...

I should add that when *A* came home, I smiled and just realized that I had missed him and love him. He drives me crazy, but at the end of the day, he's still the love of my life. Oy. When I'm in KC though, I'm going to try to move on if possible.

Sunday, July 16, 2006 1:35:00 PM  
Anonymous Deb Peterson said...

Karma--I wish you well with the transition. I like your plan of taking care of the "practical" stuff beforehand. While we're doing that, often time will take care of the less tangible issues.

This is how old I am--I think it's so amazing that your blog will look the same but maybe the next time you post you'll be in a different city! So your surroundings will be very different--but your virtual location will be the same. (Can you tell I grew up during the 50's and 60's--when having a color TV was a big deal?!!! I just love the internet!)

Sunday, July 16, 2006 1:57:00 PM  

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