JewBu Quest: From Abuse to Happiness

JewBu: a Jew who practices forms of Buddhist meditation & spirituality. This blog documents my quest to 1) heal from sexual, verbal, and emotional abuse, 2) come to terms with losing Mom and Grandma to Alzheimers, 3) find balance, explore the spiritual, stay present. Bascially, I've experienced some pretty crappy shit in my life and want to find a way to move past it and find happiness.

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

Destruction and Shir Hashalom (Song of Peace)

I just spent a long time writing out this beautiful post, and Moxilla crashed and the whole thing is lost. GRRRR! I am so annoyed with things just disappearing on me. Okay, so let's reconstruct, but the short version:

I went to visit my mom today, and it was just heart breaking. I really don't understand how some of my fabulous blog readers (and others) manage to take care of their mothers full time. A few hours every day just kills me. Mom is barely functioning. She understands so little, even if you explain something to her really slowly, she just doesn't understand/she can't put the words together in her head to make anything meaningful. Things are going downhill really fast.

I want to focus on the good things - that she remembers me, that she cherishes that I "tuck" her in at night, that I can take care of her, that she loves me, that she told me tonight that I'll be a good mother some day. I know that I make a really big difference to her. But, I just hate watching this happen to her.

I called my sister after I left and told her that the bad news is that Mom didn't recognize her in pictures. But, the good news is that she looked at my niece and said, "You know, she really looks a lot like me when I was a little girl." I told Mom that this is because that's her granddaughter, and she looked really surprised. I really think that she might think that I'm her mother. It makes me nervous to take her to see her mother. I'm not sure how she'll react. I'm supposed to organize that this week, but it overwhelms me. I can't even bare to see my grandmother.

Anyways, after visiting Mom, I drove to workout to reduce some stress. I was exhausted; it was 10pm; I forgot socks and had to buy them and some water. But, I found some ridiculous entertaining program with the head of Disney interviewing Hollywood stars. Then, of course, I see the tv next to it is MSNBC showing coverage of "Crisis in the Middle East." I'm watching women cry, buildings crumbling, grey clouds of smoke, children learning to hate. And "Shir HaShalom" starts playing on my IPOD, and I can't help but tear up.

Yitzhak Rabin's Last Speech

November 4, 1995
Tel Aviv City Hall Plaza

 Yitzhak Rabin
Permit me to say that I am deeply moved.

I wish to thank each and every one of you, who have come here today to take a stand against violence and for peace. This government, which I am privileged to head, together with my friend Shimon Peres, decided to give peace a chance -- a peace that will solve most of Israel's problems.

I was a military man for 27 years. I fought as long as there was no chance for peace. I believe that there is now a chance for peace, a great chance. We must take advantage of it for the sake of those standing here, and for those who are not here -- and they are many.

I have always believed that the majority of the people want peace and are ready to take risks for peace. In coming here today, you demonstrate, together with many others who did not come, that the people truly desire peace and oppose violence.

Violence erodes the basis of Israeli democracy. It must be condemned and isolated.

This is not the way of the State of Israel. In a democracy there can be differences, but the final decision will be taken in democratic elections, as the 1992 elections which gave us the mandate to do what we are doing, and to continue on this course.

I want to say that I am proud of the fact that representatives of the countries with whom we are living in peace are present with us here, and will continue to be here: Egypt, Jordan, and Morocco, which opened the road to peace for us. I want to thank the President of Egypt, the King of Jordan, and the King of Morocco, represented here today, for their partnership with us in our march towards peace.

But, more than anything, in the more than three years of this Government's existence, the Israeli people has proven that it is possible to make peace, that peace opens the door to a better economy and society; that peace is not just a prayer.

Peace is first of all in our prayers, but it is also the aspiration of the Jewish people, a genuine aspiration for peace.

There are enemies of peace who are trying to hurt us, in order to torpedo the peace process.

I want to say bluntly, that we have found a partner for peace among the Palestinians as well: the PLO, which was an enemy, and has ceased to engage in terrorism. Without partners for peace, there can be no peace.

We will demand that they do their part for peace, just as we will do our part for peace, in order to solve the most complicated, prolonged, and emotionally charged aspect of the Israeli-Arab conflict: the Palestinian- Israeli conflict.

This is a course which is fraught with difficulties and pain. For Israel, there is no path that is without pain.

But the path of peace is preferable to the path of war.

I say this to you as one who was a military man, someone who is today Minister of Defense and sees the pain of the families of the IDF soldiers. For them, for our children, in my case for our grandchildren, I want this Government to exhaust every opening, every possibility, to promote and achieve a comprehensive peace. Even with Syria, it will be possible to make peace.

This rally must send a message to the Israeli people, to the Jewish people around the world, to the many people in the Arab world, and indeed to the entire world, that the Israeli people want peace, support peace.

For this, I thank you.



Anonymous Deb Peterson said...

Karma--I'm not entirely sure of this, but I believe you've mentioned that your Mom has Early Onset AD and so I imagine that you are somewhat younger than I am. It's impossible to compare situations, but I can imagine special difficulties for you, having to face all this at a relatively young age. (Okay, I'm 53 and I'm guessing that you are late 20's??) I don't know if I could ever handle this as well as you have, were I any younger. You're in a place in your life where you should only have to be making plans for yourself, and here you are, caring so much about both Mom and Grandmother (and Dad!) during these prematurely critical times in their lives! What you're doing is remarkable--it IS hard but you are doing everything that needs to be done. Don't underestimate yourself! Believe me, I admire you.

Wednesday, July 19, 2006 5:49:00 PM  

Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home