JewBu Quest: From Abuse to Happiness

JewBu: a Jew who practices forms of Buddhist meditation & spirituality. This blog documents my quest to 1) heal from sexual, verbal, and emotional abuse, 2) come to terms with losing Mom and Grandma to Alzheimers, 3) find balance, explore the spiritual, stay present. Bascially, I've experienced some pretty crappy shit in my life and want to find a way to move past it and find happiness.

Thursday, July 13, 2006

Good News, Bad News

The good news is that my dad went to the doctor today and all of his test results were normal except for his ALT liver function was high and his white blood cell count was just ever so slightly high, but the doctor wasn't really concerned about either of these. Despite his reservations, the doctor convinced my father to get a CT scan, which will be done tomorrow. Then, next month, no matter what, my dad will go and have another set of blood work done, just to confirm that everything's okay. Dad said the doctor told him he's very lucky.

Dad said: The doctor was much more optimistic today. Last week he was pessimistic.
Me: What do you mean?
Dad: The first time he said, I think you have cancer.
Me: Yeah, I thought that too.

I can't believe that he didn't mention this all week. God he drives me crazy. He said he didn't want to tell me because he didn't want to worry me. And I played into this ridiculous cycle because I didn't tell him why I thought he had lung cancer because I didn't want to worry him. Of course, the CT could still show that he has cancer. In fact, dad said the doctor told him a story that he had coughed up blood and had a chest x-ray, which showed nothing and then later really followed up and made sure he had a CT scan, which showed that he had a cyst. That's what convinced Dad. But, I'm not going to be as worried about it as I was this week. Even if something is wrong; it seems it isn't direly. Even if it is cancer, tfu tfu, it isn't a late stage it appears.

I freaked out earlier today at my therapist's office that I wasn't sure what to do if Dad was told that he needed a CT scan but he decided not to do it - because then we wouldn't know what was going on really and grr, okay, not even going to go back to that feeling.

I completely treated myself today to a spa treatment. I was surprised how relaxed I am capable of feeling because I haven't felt this way for a long time. I really needed that.

Okay, and the bad news is that Israel and Hizballah (in Lebannon), Hamas in Gaza are moving towards all out, no holds bar war. Click on the link to the Haaretz newspaper (Israeli, but in English) for more information. Hizballah claims that it is going to make Haifa a targer, which is where my sister's in-laws live.

Link

2 Comments:

Anonymous Deb Peterson said...

Karma--The spa was long overdue! I'm glad it helped. Sometimes I think that worrying is almost a superstition for me--I can't NOT worry. If things turn out well, I always think that the worrying "worked," if they don't, then I don't have a letdown. Sigh.

I felt a combination of extreme disappointment and "here we go again" when I heard about the Lebanon situation on the news. And to know someone in the area makes it extra hard...

Thursday, July 13, 2006 7:00:00 PM  
Blogger Bailey Stewart said...

I'll keep him in my prayers.

Yes, I've been following the news with interest most of the day. I hope your family is safe.

Thursday, July 13, 2006 8:14:00 PM  

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