JewBu Quest: From Abuse to Happiness

JewBu: a Jew who practices forms of Buddhist meditation & spirituality. This blog documents my quest to 1) heal from sexual, verbal, and emotional abuse, 2) come to terms with losing Mom and Grandma to Alzheimers, 3) find balance, explore the spiritual, stay present. Bascially, I've experienced some pretty crappy shit in my life and want to find a way to move past it and find happiness.

Wednesday, July 12, 2006


I had the permanent crown put on this morning. Being a survivor and having such bad experiences with the root canal, I was very anxious, so I took a Xanax (.25) just before going in to see the dentist.

Then, I had to go meet my advisor and do all of this work for her, and she was so stressed out and dumping this one project onto me, that it just made me a bit stressed out. As I got home, I could feel the Xanax wear off and anxiety kick in. I had been warned about this side effect from taking Xanax during the day instead of before bed, as it is prescribed for me, but I know that anxiety is causing my digestive problems and didn't want to have to get that anxious sitting in the dentist's chair.

Anyway, right now, I just overwhelming anxiety, almost to the point of panic. I'm stressing about my dad; I can't focus on my work; I'm not quite sure what to do with myself; there's not much food in the house for a proper dinner. I made some easy mac of *A*'s even though I'm lactose intolerant (and though I took the lactaid pills, I'll still get sick), I kinda don't care. I just need something to eat up this anxiety. *A* is downtown having a beer. I need to make myself go workout, but I'm waiting for clothes in the drier and just feeling lazy and depressed and anxious and not wanting to go anywhere.



Blogger Bailey Stewart said...

I'm sorry you've had a bad day. Actually, your last lines describes my normal day, so I understand completely. It's hard to get out of that cycle - I wish I could tell you how I do it, but it's not a conscious thing. Some days I wake up full of energy and get a lot done, others (more often) I'm lucky to get the basic things for mother accomplished. I hope tomorrow is better.

Wednesday, July 12, 2006 7:47:00 PM  
Blogger Karma said...

Thanks, Bailey. Today is better than this day.

Thursday, July 13, 2006 4:15:00 PM  

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