JewBu Quest: From Abuse to Happiness

JewBu: a Jew who practices forms of Buddhist meditation & spirituality. This blog documents my quest to 1) heal from sexual, verbal, and emotional abuse, 2) come to terms with losing Mom and Grandma to Alzheimers, 3) find balance, explore the spiritual, stay present. Bascially, I've experienced some pretty crappy shit in my life and want to find a way to move past it and find happiness.

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

The Toll on My Body

My digestive system is just completely out of whack. I went to an acupunturist yesterday about it, who told me that it is clearly due to stress. I woke up, realizing that I had been tossing and turning for awhile. I'm tired and uncomfortable. I think that I was having nightmares because the thoughts in my head were about my parents. *A* told me that kept cuddling with him while we were sleeping, which woke him up and made his back hurt. I can't keep up with this stress level. This may just be my body's sensing that my dad will get bad news from the doctor today. But, this way of thinking is my mom and my grandma in my head. Clearly, not a healthy way to think. Oy. I'm even having a hard time using the stress eraser, because it is hard for me to take a breath that counts in any way as relaxing. I should use it more; I've been slacking.

11 Comments:

Anonymous Peg said...

Karma,
I hope all goes well with your Dads test resuats..i know that it can be stressful..think positive, even when you find out the resualts. Things will work out for you..I feel that you are a much stronger women then you give yourself credit for. Be there for yourself..get you better then consintrate on Mom and Dad. You will not do anyone any good if you are sick. Keep me updated on your Dad..if you need to talk, feel free to add me on yahoo messenger.

Your friend,
Peg

Tuesday, July 11, 2006 12:59:00 PM  
Anonymous Peg Lee said...

opps..since your in KC...i have a friend that maybe you can add on your messenger list..she is starting an EOAD group in your area. Her Id for yahoo is kittycat13132004.

Your Friend,
Peg

Tuesday, July 11, 2006 1:09:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wondering how your dad's prognosis turned out, sending you an little extra burst of strength to deal with it all today. Think I've been channeling your thoughts in my sleep too, I haven't slept in a few days thinking about you either. Glad you decided to fly back, I think it'll be less physical stress on your body. Sending you a big hug and a cup of tea (accompanied by a foot massage of course), S.

Tuesday, July 11, 2006 1:46:00 PM  
Blogger Karma said...

Thanks Peg. I can be really hard on myself...plus, I mean these last 6 months have been incredibly hard; my grandmother taking a big turn for the worse and being very near death, my mom taking a big turn and needing to be put in an alf, my neighbor murdered, and now maybe my dad having a fatal disease that would leave me as my mom's caretaker. I'm just overwhelmed. But, you're right; things will work out for me in the end. [sigh] I don't use yahoo messenger, but that's a nice thought. I appreciate your checking up on me and being supportive.

Tuesday, July 11, 2006 5:38:00 PM  
Blogger Karma said...

Even my advisor noticed today...she said that I look like I've lost 10 pounds since she saw me 2 weeks ago. I seriously had no idea and got a glimpse of things from my dad's point of view....She was really cute though, she says: "You don't look good. Fix it." As if she was giving me an order to take care of myself...well, she sort of was.

Tuesday, July 11, 2006 5:40:00 PM  
Anonymous Deb Peterson said...

Karma--I'm glad to hear you've got the ticket to KC. I have the feeling that that is the first step toward you feeling stronger. I'm praying for your Dad (and of course Mom and GrandMom)--now you just take it one day at a time. (I have to keep telling myself that, too--I tend to gulp the future in these great big mouthfuls, when actually we DO have to deal with it one day at a time.) If you're in a geographic and psychological place that's healthy for you, you'll do fine no matter what happens. It won't always be easy, but you will get through it a stronger person. I'm thinking of you.

Tuesday, July 11, 2006 6:09:00 PM  
Blogger Bailey Stewart said...

Thanks for dropping by my blog.

I take Prilosec every morning because this whole situation has given me acid reflux. And I've never mentioned this on any of my other blogs, but I'm a sexual abuse survivor too. Whew! That's the first time I've mentioned that in cyberspace. Kind of felt freeing.

Feel free to drop by any time. Oh, and I have an Alzheimer's journal too now. http://discoveringmom.blogspot.com

Tuesday, July 11, 2006 6:14:00 PM  
Blogger Karma said...

Wow, an EOAD group would be great! Is your friend's yahoo id also her email address? I don't have yahoo messenger.

Results from my dad's tests are not yet in...it is killing me waiting! I want to know already too. I'm guessing at this point, we'll probably have to wait until his doctor's appointment on Thursday because even if the doctor gets results tomorrow, he'll probably want to wait to talk to my dad face to face.

Tuesday, July 11, 2006 7:17:00 PM  
Blogger tafka PP said...

Tonight, Inshalla, I've already had 3 coffees in preparation. I can't bear to think of you suffering this much. Hugs.

Wednesday, July 12, 2006 6:18:00 AM  
Anonymous Peg Lee said...

Karma,
Yes that is her email addy as well. Get intouch with her...she just might be the help you need.

Tc,
Peg

Wednesday, July 12, 2006 11:19:00 AM  
Blogger Karma said...

Peg, I emailed her. That's a great contact for me. Thanks.

Bailey, Good for you for coming out as a survivor. I think that it can be a very empowering thing to talk about. Also, you're helping break the silence around sexual violence.

Wednesday, July 12, 2006 2:58:00 PM  

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