JewBu Quest: From Abuse to Happiness

JewBu: a Jew who practices forms of Buddhist meditation & spirituality. This blog documents my quest to 1) heal from sexual, verbal, and emotional abuse, 2) come to terms with losing Mom and Grandma to Alzheimers, 3) find balance, explore the spiritual, stay present. Bascially, I've experienced some pretty crappy shit in my life and want to find a way to move past it and find happiness.

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Naming Emotions and Permission to Not Do It Perfectly

Yesterday, my therapist recommended to me that I try to name my emotions with my sister, specifically that I tell her that I'm disappointed that she's not here because I was hoping that she'd be here to help with our parents before I leave. It seems like this enormously big thing to name my emotions because my family never does this. Emotions aren't valid things, and women aren't supposed to be confrontational. I hesitate because I'm really leaning on my conversations with my sister about how things are with mom and her updating me with Grandma. But, in that book "Dance of Intimacy", it talks about how to break out of these cycles or dances. I'm giving it some thought.

Also, last night, I got a message after I tucked my mom in that my friend I had plans with was blowing me off (she was tired, I understand), but I was really disappointed and just didn't want to go back to my dad's place. I felt like I had to unwind a bit, especially since Dad was being a bit controlling/passive aggressive with me the last couple of days. I had been going to work out at night, but I don't sleep well anymore doing that. So, I decided to just go to a bar. I called *A* for advice on where to go, and I ended up at this laid back place with porter beers on tap. I got them to put on CNN and enjoyed having some time to myself and being flirted with by the bartender (who gave me his phone number). I hadn't wanted to go to a bar because I don't want to use alcohol to relax, but I'm going to start giving myself permission to not do everything perfectly.

4 Comments:

Anonymous Peg Lee said...

I feel your words...not having your sisters help, i did this all on my own for 4 years until my sister decided to get involved and moved back home to care for Mom full time. Now i feel like the pressure is off me, sometimes making me feel useless becuase she is doing all the caring. Let your sister now your feelings...she will hear and hopefully take heed.
Tc,
Peg

Tuesday, July 25, 2006 6:57:00 PM  
Blogger Bailey Stewart said...

I'm with Peg on this - if my sister were in the physical shape to take some of the burden off of me, I'd tell her. I understand about the non-confrontation aspect, but I'm about to the point that I've got to say something, only there isn't anyone to say it too - my sister's in a nursing home (may go home at the end of the month) - she'll be in a wheelchair, so no help there.

I don't think a drink every now and then will hurt, unless you have an addictive personality. I have half a bottle Seagrams margarita every few days - it does help to relax. I only drink it before bedtime.

Wednesday, July 26, 2006 11:20:00 AM  
Blogger Karma said...

I know you're right; its just a hard thing to make myself do. It never seems like the right time, and I don't want to guilt her in to helping, especially since at this point, she has herself mentally blocked into being stuck in Florida, not being able to sell her house.....

Wednesday, July 26, 2006 11:55:00 AM  
Blogger Karma said...

I do have a bit of an addictive personality....I had to cut drinking for awhile last year because it got a bit out of control. One drink isn't going to hurt me, even every night, but I don't want the drinking to be the only way that I know how to de-stress at night...well, and the binge eating thing that I did last night didn't help either - those combined I think are why I slept especially bad.

Wednesday, July 26, 2006 4:20:00 PM  

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