JewBu Quest: From Abuse to Happiness

JewBu: a Jew who practices forms of Buddhist meditation & spirituality. This blog documents my quest to 1) heal from sexual, verbal, and emotional abuse, 2) come to terms with losing Mom and Grandma to Alzheimers, 3) find balance, explore the spiritual, stay present. Bascially, I've experienced some pretty crappy shit in my life and want to find a way to move past it and find happiness.

Friday, July 21, 2006

Painting the Suburbs Red

I went back to the chiropractor today because my migrane never fully disappeared. She basically told me that there's nothing that she can do for me and suggested that I start keeping a food journal to see if the migraines are food enduced. She also suggested that this one was induced by the sudden change in weather. It was nice that she didn't charge me and did some cranio-sacrial work, but I'm frustrated because I don't want to be in pain all the time and don't want to be popping pills which don't really solve anything.

So, my dad ended up being wrong about the timing of tonight- services were at 6pm, so he thought. Well, we get there, and it some special night so services are this long drawn out thing that goes until almost 8pm. We were both a little annoyed, but what are you going to do. I know it meant a lot to him to not have to go alone.

Then, I immediately went to tuck my mom into bed. She gets so excited about my red toe nails matching her red (hand) nails. She comments on this over and over again. I always make sure now to have red toe nails for my mom's sake. Last night, she told me again "you'll be a good mother." She's really having a hard time; I feel bad for her and leave crying. She wakes up every night with a pain in her side. I spoke with my dad about increasing her fiber medication thing (well cod liver oil) to help with this.

I'm pretty exhausted, but I'm starting to feel really connected with my dad and like we're healing our relationship (to some degree). My time with my mom is really special. I'm glad that she can count on me being there every night to tuck her in. Tonight, as I left, she told me that she hopes that I sleep well. It felt like such a blessing she was offering me. I need her to tell me this.

Also, I arranged with my mom's cousin to bring mom on Sunday to see her mother at Grandma's nursing home. I hope it goes well. Mom hasn't seen her mom for almost a year...and not since she's been this bad.



Blogger tafka PP said...

Your toenails look beautiful in that picture. (Actually, they might not be yours, I realise. Oh well- thanks for the image!)

Saturday, July 22, 2006 1:24:00 PM  
Blogger Karma said...

Yes, I actually haven't shaved my legs since my senior year of high school, would you believe?

Saturday, July 22, 2006 8:17:00 PM  

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