JewBu Quest: From Abuse to Happiness

JewBu: a Jew who practices forms of Buddhist meditation & spirituality. This blog documents my quest to 1) heal from sexual, verbal, and emotional abuse, 2) come to terms with losing Mom and Grandma to Alzheimers, 3) find balance, explore the spiritual, stay present. Bascially, I've experienced some pretty crappy shit in my life and want to find a way to move past it and find happiness.

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

The Boiling Point

As I've thought about what went on yestersday, I realize that I got sucked into to making the meeting not enough about my mom in an avoidance on my dad's part to want to get charged more money. And it isn't that he doesn't have the money to pay for it - that's not his concern. He's just pathalogically cheap.

And I'm struggling with both Mom's facility and Dad to get Mom better care, but I'm paying way too much attention I think as to what both of them want/need and not enough to what both I and Mom needs. So, I left a message yesterday with the state Ombudsman, who immediately called me back. And last night, I was just so upset about all of this that I didn't come home until he had gone to bed. And then I binged ate a bit and drank a couple of drinks, abusing my poor tummy (especially since I ate crappy food yesterday).

Then this morning, as I go to put the copy of Mom's service agreement that I got Dad to show me yesterday (and I copied it), I see another part of the agreement that he didn't show me which has lists of possible additional services to purchase and a grievance procedure. I'm so angry right now - why can't we just purchase more services for Mom? And now I'm way jumping ahead in the procedure of having a grievance, and I have three people to contact before I should even get to the ombudsman. And why couldn't I just have this earlier? Why am I calling every agency I can find to try to get help and calling around all over town to find volunteers to do stuff for my Mom when there are easy procedures to go through with all of this.

So now I guess I'm going to blow off the ombudsman for a couple of days and try to call these other people. I might also just call the director of Mom's facility and ask him to put together a plan to increase Mom's fees to provide her with the care that she needs. But, then I'm way going behind my Dad's back and disregarding that still there aren't enough staff there and NO one on Mom's floor is getting decent care.

It is hard enough that I'm losing my mother to Alzheimer's. Why are so many people making it harder???????? Oy!

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