The Meeting

I don't even know how to begin how to describe what happened. My dad ended up showing up at the minute because there was some problem with my sis' inspection. As we met, I could see my mother outside the room (there were curtains though on the doors so she couldn't see us) pacing around with boredom.

Basically, it was as I pictured it would be - the floor coordinator didn't say much. She admitted a couple of problems - offering to try to fix some and saying that some others are just the way they. For example, the staff number is just going to be what it is. She claims that there are 5 people working on the floor 7am-11pm, which is just outrightly untrue, and I pointed it out that this isn't what I see. She admitted that well one of these is the med tech, who she claims helps out with other stuff when they finish with the meds BUT they don't have time to help out. [Lie #1] She also admitted that there's a problem with the evening shift because most of the people who apply for the job are students and there's a high turnover - - - - WELL maybe if they'd pay better, then they'd get better people.

I understand that to some degree that her hands are tied on a lot of this, but I just feel so frustrated. I found out from Mom's neighbor's son that the director of Mom's facility is going to be promoted to area supervisor.

So, I made some phone calls: The Alzheimer's Association referred me to the KS Advocates for Better Care who referred me to the state ombudsman for long term facilities. I left him a message and did the initial paperwork, but the intake person told me that this needs to get referred to the KS Deptarment of Aging. But filing a report with them means that the facility will know that I filed it and the facility will get in trouble. I'm worried that they'll retaliate against my mom, even though the intake person told me that this is against federal law and that they can be shut down if they do that. BUT, what's to ensure that the law will be enforced?

I spoke with my dad about hiring a "companion" type person through Jewish Family and Children Services to just go be with Mom and maybe put her to bed at night. I think I'm going to have to just pay for it, and screw it, you know, I know that I'll inherit the money back from Mom. Why should I fight with Dad about him paying for it when its the same money that I'll be inheriting anyway...or I'll inherit it when my grandmother dies. I figured out that if I pay for someone to come every night for 2 hours, its only about $1000/month, and if this is just supposedly going on for another year. If for $10-20,000, my mom can get some better care, then screw it. Its so ridiculous though. My dad has plenty of money, okay, like a LOT, and he starts giving me this spiel about how he can't spend money now because after Grandma dies, that my aunt might have set up her will so that he'll have to pay a bunch of estate tax, and he has no idea how much, so he better just be prepared. It makes no sense to me; what people can pay more tax then they inherit? I don't quite believe this.