JewBu Quest: From Abuse to Happiness

JewBu: a Jew who practices forms of Buddhist meditation & spirituality. This blog documents my quest to 1) heal from sexual, verbal, and emotional abuse, 2) come to terms with losing Mom and Grandma to Alzheimers, 3) find balance, explore the spiritual, stay present. Bascially, I've experienced some pretty crappy shit in my life and want to find a way to move past it and find happiness.

Saturday, August 19, 2006

The Struggle Continues

I'm sitting in Mom's office just feeling really anxious. I need to sit down with my dad and clarify his position about spending money on stuff for my mom, which will likely lead to a fight and so maybe I shouldn't bother and wait to see what happens at our meeting Tuesday.

And, I didn't go to my grandmother's this morning (my aunt left a message that she was going to be over there then)
to rifle through and figure out what I want of my grandmother's. But, now that's probably my last chance to have something from her to remember her OR to get something for my mom. But, whatever.

And I'm grateful that my friend Kathy pushed me to talk to her about this. I feel better after naming it. And now writing it here. I am reminded of Jewel's song "Breathe".

And I've got a date tonight with a guy with whom I don't see anything long term happening, but I enjoy hanging out with, even though I'd honestly be embarrassed to introduce him to many of my friends, which is horrible. I'm trying to challenge my internalized classism. And he's so charming, and just appreciates me in ways are way neglected. Yeah, I'm being a total guy with him.

I finally made plans to go back home on Sept. 24. I feel releaved to have this arranged, but also horrible that I'll be leaving Mom.



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