JewBu Quest: From Abuse to Happiness

JewBu: a Jew who practices forms of Buddhist meditation & spirituality. This blog documents my quest to 1) heal from sexual, verbal, and emotional abuse, 2) come to terms with losing Mom and Grandma to Alzheimers, 3) find balance, explore the spiritual, stay present. Bascially, I've experienced some pretty crappy shit in my life and want to find a way to move past it and find happiness.

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

Ah Familiar Unhealthy Family Dynamics

So, I called my aunt yesterday while waiting to pick up my sister and her family from the airport. My aunt was surprisingly civil, and we talked about stuff. In thinking about whether or not to call her though, I realized that I do harbor some anger and animosity towards her because growing up, I always understood our relationship as such that she was this really important figure in my life who would always be there for me, and now she seems to care so little about me, having several times really taken advantage of me.

Then, my sister had asked me to babysit this morning, and she drops off my niece at 9am for what she said would be 2 hours (an excuse I guess just not to give me her booster seat so I could take her out - like to my mom's), but ended up being closer to ALL DAY. They finally show up around 3:30pm because Grandma's car broke down somewhere close by, and my brother in law is yelling and being obnoxious, and no one is telling me what's going on.

Finally, we all go out to dinner at 5:30 (because my dad offers to take us). Who ends up being at the table next to us, but my aunt. Yes, the same aunt. And she and my dad don't speak to each other at all. It was lovely really.

So, I'm drinking a little bit; I admit. At some point, Dad says, how unlucky that we end up coming out and she's here. I say: Well, at least you could be civil to each other. If I can put up with this guy over here(I look at my brother in law), you should be able to do it with her. Apparently, my sister indicated later, he heard me and is insulted.

So do I have to apologize? Or that he is a border line verbally abusive guy in front of me, does that excuse my comment?


Blogger tafka PP said...

Tricky. You could try the "I'm sorry, it had been a really rough day and then you were shouting so much. But I didn't mean to imply I don't like spending time with you" - might even inspire him to apologise if he's in the right mood. That is, if you can be arsed. Although I think if you're going to spend the summer together you probably want to re-tune your coping/blocking mechanisms vis a vis him, your aunt, all of them...

(BTW I emailed you the other day to your yahoo.)

Thursday, August 10, 2006 6:32:00 AM  
Blogger Karma said...

Except that would be a lie. I don't enjoy spending time with him. Seriously, he's verbally and emotionally abusive.

Yes, I am horribly behind with email trying to prepare for the presentation in two days which isn't ready...oy. My therapist says that I shouldn't spend too much energy dealing with my family (other than my mom) because they are so horrible, and I should instead focus on things which give me something positive in return.

But, I think you're right. I may apologize and say to him eventually - "I'm sorry that I said something inappropriate." I like the "It was a rough day and then you were shouting so much"......I doubt he'd apologize. He'd actually probably start a big fight.

Thursday, August 10, 2006 8:02:00 AM  

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