JewBu Quest: From Abuse to Happiness

JewBu: a Jew who practices forms of Buddhist meditation & spirituality. This blog documents my quest to 1) heal from sexual, verbal, and emotional abuse, 2) come to terms with losing Mom and Grandma to Alzheimers, 3) find balance, explore the spiritual, stay present. Bascially, I've experienced some pretty crappy shit in my life and want to find a way to move past it and find happiness.

Sunday, November 05, 2006

The Date: Total Disaster

So, I had run into the "nice guy" (hereby known as NG) Friday night at this bar. I went for a graduate student happy hour, and he and some co-workers just randomly happened to be there. The place was so packed that it was hard to move around, and I had just finessed my way through the entire place, only to find that NO one that I knew was there. So NG says hello and introduces me to a couple of co-workers (although it is somewhat hard to talk because it is loud). He says that they're going out for dinner, and I have to admit that I'm somewhat disappointed that he's going to leave me here alone.

Then, as we're talking, a woman that did some teacher training with me came over and we started talking. She and Stuart kinda nodded to each other as if they knew each other, and then Stuart completely disappeared. She seemed kinda awkward about the whole thing, and I got the sense that they had dated.

Then, as you can see from yesterday's post, I had to really drag myself out last night after a sad conversation with Mom, where it was clear that her condition is worsening. He had made a suggestion of where we should go for our first date and paid for it, I took the second date, so this was his turn, but he like couldn't be bothered to come up with anything. I mentioned that there was this movie that I wanted to see, and he sounded interested. So yesterday, before the date I purchased us tickets to the movie, and finally NG suggested this one Italian place (that is way highly over-rated and relatively cheap for the area).

We met in front of the Italian place (NG's idea), and he was in line to put our name down. They told us it would be 45 minutes (very normal for this area on a weekend), so NG said we should look at some places on the street near where he parked. The whole time, he seems just completely uninterested in anything that I try to say and has a hard time making conversation himself.

The dinner was painful (although the food was good). I asked NG about the woman from the bar, and he said that they had gone out, and then he never called her. (LOVELY - and a clear sign that he's not interested in developing connections with people, only a RELATIONSHIP.)

I pointed out that he seemed "tired", and he was all like offended and says, I would say the same about you. I told him that I had a rough conversation with my mom, and he says "So what does she remember when you talk to her?" It was such a broad question, I wasn't even sure how to answer.

It only gets worse. NG says: "So the movie is about Israel?"

Me: "No, its about Nazi Germany." NG goes on about how he made some comment to his dad comparing Bush and Hitler, and the dad got upset, but NG couldn't understand why. (Um, hello, I don't like Bush either but that's offensive, especially to a Jewish person.) Later, NG makes some comment that he's not sure if the Jewish population will ever be what it was because the population is declining and the real problem is that some Jews don't want to have kids after seeing how bad the world can be. I say, actually the reason for the decline recently is inter-marriage and that people aren't raising their kids Jewish. NG: "I hope so."

At that point, I wonder what the hell he is even thinking. I mean, hello, he's not Jewish; I am. He's probably not willing to put anything into raising his kids Jewish, so....Anyway, at this point, I told him that I'm not up for seeing a Holocaust movie and that I just want to go home. He hugs me, awkwardly, and we leave. I doubt that I'll hear from him again. Nor, do I want to. I think there's a lesson here, and I'm not exactly sure what it is. It does make me think about questions posed in previous posts about how relationships are supposed to work.

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Blogger Gail Rae said...

I'm smiling...yeah, about halfway through your post I was thinking, "Hmmm...lesson, lesson, lesson." Maybe the lesson is related to: "Nice Guys finish last." Sub-lesson is, "Nice Guys aren't necessarily nice." Sub-sub-lesson is, "Good riddance to this Nice Guy."

Sunday, November 05, 2006 12:05:00 PM  
Blogger Karma said...

Lol. Yes, that is the lesson - nice guys aren't necessarily nice. I think this is part of the real struggle - how to get through these first performances and see if someone really is nice. And yes, good riddance to this guy!!!

Sunday, November 05, 2006 12:55:00 PM  
Anonymous Deb Peterson said...

Karma--Even if he were just having a "bad night" some of his remarks sound just a bit hostile, or lazy, at best. I'm glad you cut it short.

I'm sorry to hear about your mother. It's a constant readjustment for us, isn't it? Once you come to terms with one loss, it gets bigger. I'm sure you'll have many more loving encounters with her, though--even though she may lose ground, you are such a giving person that your relationship will always remain rich. She'll know this, even though it may become harder for her to tell you.

Monday, November 06, 2006 6:50:00 PM  
Blogger Karma said...

That's exactly the problem - I adjust really well to how she is right now and then the next moment, something else is disappearing.

Monday, November 06, 2006 8:31:00 PM  

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