JewBu Quest: From Abuse to Happiness

JewBu: a Jew who practices forms of Buddhist meditation & spirituality. This blog documents my quest to 1) heal from sexual, verbal, and emotional abuse, 2) come to terms with losing Mom and Grandma to Alzheimers, 3) find balance, explore the spiritual, stay present. Bascially, I've experienced some pretty crappy shit in my life and want to find a way to move past it and find happiness.

Sunday, October 29, 2006

Coming Out of the Closet: Worried About My Ex-Girlfriend

Okay, so many of you don't know this about me, but I'm bi-sexual. I've only dated one woman, J, and this was a couple of years ago, although we're still friends and there's still very much a connection between us. She is also bi and is seriously dating some guy.

Anyway, she is in Oaxaca doing research. Yesterday, I got an email from a professor in my department titled "Massacre in Oaxaca." It made me very nervous to say the least, so I called J's best friend to find out if everything's okay with J. And, it is. For now. But, things could very quickly erupt there, and I fear she's really in danger.

But, writing to J over email and thinking about something happening to her, I realize how much I really care for her. I wrote her this email about how much living through violent conflict has effected me, many friends, my grandparents...it just made me feel more passionate about how much I don't want anything to happen to her. Of course, I don't feel that I have the right to say too much because in the end, she's with this guy, and I could have stepped in and fought for her at any time, but I choose to let her work things out with him and be with him because she seems happy.

On a side note, I had dinner with *A* last night and then hung out at my neighbors' place until way too late. I really like them and want to become more friendly with them, although I think that I seriously overstayed my welcome. (I didn't realize how late it was!) We talked about the murder though, and that really elevated my anxiety level. Last night, I had a nightmare that I left the front door unlocked, and someone came inside to hurt me.

Anyway, I hope that the purple parrot and whichever other of my friends who read this but don't know that I'm bisexual don't think any differently about me. The purple parrot might find it especially interesting that the woman in her office (P) made uber homophobic remarks to me, which is why I felt wierd about explaining that I was going to the gay bar in Jerusalem because I felt comfortable there, not just stam, even though I know I could have just told you and you wouldn't have thought any differently about me.

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3 Comments:

Blogger tafka PP said...

*Hug*

I'm going to be stifling giggles around Mrs. "Normalit" now, I'd forgotten about that!

Hope your ex stays OK. (I'm ashamed to admit I had to google Oaxaca.) But -tfu tfu tfu- people connected with you in conflict zones tend to have good Karma ;-)

Monday, October 30, 2006 11:54:00 PM  
Blogger Gail Rae said...

Just want you to know, in support, there is no kind of sexuality, other than abusive sexuality, that could offend me or make me feel any different toward you, Karma.
Many years ago I fell in love with a woman and carried on with her for quite awhile. Surprised me, but taught me that I can't count anything out...you just never know. I hesitate, now, to refer to myself as any sexual type...and I have a feeling that bisexual experiences are much more common than we let on. Too bad. I was so in love with this woman I wanted to sing it from rooftops...but couldn't. It would have been nice if I'd felt comfortable doing that.

Tuesday, October 31, 2006 11:38:00 AM  
Blogger Jerusalem Joe said...

your sexual preference is a non-issue for me. the important thing is that you are happy in your choice.

Saturday, November 04, 2006 4:22:00 AM  

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