JewBu Quest: From Abuse to Happiness

JewBu: a Jew who practices forms of Buddhist meditation & spirituality. This blog documents my quest to 1) heal from sexual, verbal, and emotional abuse, 2) come to terms with losing Mom and Grandma to Alzheimers, 3) find balance, explore the spiritual, stay present. Bascially, I've experienced some pretty crappy shit in my life and want to find a way to move past it and find happiness.

Wednesday, December 27, 2006

Shock and Exhaustion: Moving Mom and the Flu

I'm just getting over a REALLY bad case of the flu, so I haven't even turned on my computer in about a week. I'm sorry for disappearing suddenly and without notice. Let me catch you up:

Moving Mom
Last Monday was moving day for Mom. I woke up early to get to Mom before Dad and his friend arrived to pack her up. I took her to get her hair done at the place where she used to take herself when she could. Then we got manis and pedis and went out to lunch at one of her favorite places. Dad was supposed to call me when he finished, and I kept trying to push to keep Mom occupied until he did. At lunch though, we had a pretty bad experience in the bathroom. Mom said that she needed to go, so I escorted her to the restroom and went in the handicap stall with her. I put down a seat cover. Mom proceeded to sit down kinda sideways on the paper. When she got up, I noticed that she had been peeing on the seat and not in the whole, plus she was still peeing a little bit when she got up. It was like she couldn't tell. It was a bit of a mess, and after this, I decided that it was too much to keep going around.

As we drove to the new facility, I told Mom that we had decided that this one would be better because of the location closer to my sister and the Jewish community. Mom said okay and seemed completely okay with it. I got her settled upstairs watching a Barbara Streisand DVD and found a care manager to look after her and finished getting the room ready with my Dad (after he returned from lunch and his nap).

She was very calm about everything. She noted where things were slightly different than at the old place, and this was clearly a bit disorienting to her. We took her out to dinner, and then came back and had tea together. Then my Dad went home, and I stayed with Mom until it was time to tuck her into bed. The two caremanagers working came with to watch how to do it, in part because Mom was the only resident on the entire floor that night. All in all, the move went pretty well for Mom. The staff there are great, and that's made a big difference for her.

The Flu
That night, I already felt myself getting sick. I had hoped to just sleep it off, but that was just wishful thinking. Over the course of the next couple of days, I developed a fever of 100-102, and my sinuses were so congested that I could not at all breathe through my noise. I then started feeling my throat swell a bit as I breathed through my neck, and so went to the doctor. My dad, who doesn't believe in doctors, was nice enough to take me. He did a test for the flu and gave me a bunch of prescriptions. Dad took me to pick them up and made me chicken soup and just doted on me. It felt good to be taken care of, but somewhat wierd that it was my dad since we have such a troubled relationship at times. I was feeling so bad that I couldn't tell if my headache was a migraine or a sinus headache.

Meeting at the Bank
Yesterday was the first day that I was feeling a lot better, although I'm still congested a bit. Dad and I had this appointment to meet with the lawyer and the bank about Grandma's estate. I was thinking not to go, but Dad pushed me to go. It was pretty awkward and strangely vague about how certain things were going to happen. Most things don't involve me anyway, and I honestly just didn't want to do anything to make the meeting go longer. After the meeting, Dad went on several rants about my aunt. As I thought about it, the complications in the estate seem to be Papa's many, but unsuccessful attempts to keep the family from fighting about money. My father completely blames my aunt, but he has such anger that I feel like he's a part of the dance. Maybe my aunt forced him in, but I know that I certainly don't want to be a part of this dance.

Physically Healing, Feeling Shock
I've had this time away from doing anything or even thinking about much, and as I start to feel better physically, I realize how much I have this emotional wound. I think that I've been in shock since I got the call about Grandma, and I haven't been able to move past it. I feel shock that Grandma died, how she died, about my family. Time is flying. I am scheduled to leave on Jan. 8, but have been talking about leaving earlier since I came early. I'm behind with work and with my thesis. I have all of these friends that want to see me, and I haven't even seen my mother in a week. On top of it, my sister left with her kids and her husband for Florida to stay at my grandmother's condo there. They're on vacation for 10 days, and I may not even see them again before I leave, and I'm jealous that they're off having fun with their friends, and I'm left to work and take care of Mom. I'm feeling stressed and a bit lost and sad. Still, I am grateful that Mom has done so well in the adjustment.

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Blogger Gail Rae said...

Since I have no experience with moving an Ancient One from one residence to another, I am pleased that you reported on this, and am looking forward to reading more.
I'm surprised that she took it so well. Maybe it's because you were there and she knew she was surrounded with love.

Saturday, February 10, 2007 12:27:00 AM  
Blogger Karma said...

That's I think exactly what it is. Mom kept saying that she trusts us, and I really did get the sense that she loves us so much and is so trusting of us that she knows that whatever we do for her is in her best interest. She's really an amazing woman.

Saturday, February 10, 2007 10:17:00 AM  

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