JewBu Quest: From Abuse to Happiness

JewBu: a Jew who practices forms of Buddhist meditation & spirituality. This blog documents my quest to 1) heal from sexual, verbal, and emotional abuse, 2) come to terms with losing Mom and Grandma to Alzheimers, 3) find balance, explore the spiritual, stay present. Bascially, I've experienced some pretty crappy shit in my life and want to find a way to move past it and find happiness.

Sunday, December 17, 2006

Anger, Frustration, and Dad

I've been running around all day getting ready for Mom's move tomorrow. Dad finally asked his friend, as I suggested, to help out since my sister bailed on us. The really frustrating thing about this is that my sister has wanted Mom to go to this new place before even me. We decided to push the idea on Dad by offering to take care of the move, to do all of the work ourselves. And my sister consistently makes a big deal about being left out of things, saying that she wants to help out with Mom and criticizing the way that Dad and the woman that I hired did things. So, now here we are getting what we want, and she's thrown this all onto us. In fact, Dad and I didn't make a lot of plans about how to pull off the move, waiting for my sister to be ready.

Dad clearly feels overwhelmed at having been stuck with having to do all the moving by himself (with the help of his friend). Tonight, he got really angry and was practically yelling at me about how he can't handle any more details and he doesn't want to bother with taking over new things to Mom's new place. I just walked out because I didn't appreciate that tone. I mean, jeez, as if I don't have enough on my plate having to last minute keep Mom occupied somewhere out of both facilities for an unspecified amount of time probably lasting the entire morning. AND Dad had the nerve to compare it to the first move when he claimed we had time to do the move slowly. See here for what really happened.

Tomorrow, he insists that he's leaving for Mom's at 9am, which means that I have to have her out of there by 9:15, which means that I have to leave the house at 8:30am, which means that despite that I haven't been sleeping well since I heard Grandma was dying, I'll have to wake up early tomorrow.

On top of that, Mom's facility is being especially neglectful, and when I arrived, Mom didn't have a pad on (for incontinence) and her underware was dirty. There was no activity at all tonight, and when I put on a movie and 6 residents other than Mom came by to watch, no staff even acknowledged any of us. I had to go ask someone for help to bring them something to drink after residents complained of being thirsty. I made Mom tea on my own, but the microwave was disgusting, with food splattered all over it.

I'm so frustrated that my father treats me the way that he does, especially with the way that the rest of my family treats me AND especially since I finally got him to acknowledge that he loved my grandmother (despite their later disagreements which he blames my aunt for, long story). I am frustrated at not having any space that is my own here. If he treats me like this tomorrow, I should just pack my things and go to a hotel.

Then on top of it, my sister had the nerve to call me up tonight to kvetch about all that she has to do taking care of my brother-in-law when I'm running around trying to catch up her slack for tomorrow. I'm exhausted. And what I really need is some space to grieve my grandmother and the way that my aunt has treated us AND to find out what really happened, if my aunt changed things in my grandmother's estate since grandma got Alzheimer's. I'm also in desperate need to connect to real friends. With one old friend (lawyer) working for my aunt secretly on my grandmother's estate and another not only completely blowing me off but having the nerve to give me a hard time when I told her that I miss her, I really need reassurance that there are some people in the world that I can trust - who won't lie to me, who will be there for me and who will grant me the blessing to do the same, and who won't use me or abuse me.

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Blogger tafka PP said...

I'm getting angry just reading this and I'm not even there.

Take one minute at a time, you can get thru this, once your Mom is moved and settled I think you will have time to breathe. And if you can afford the hotel, maybe it is a good idea, even just for a couple of nights.

Sending you a very big hug.

Sunday, December 17, 2006 11:00:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Holy crap! That is all terrible. Please remember that you have a key to my place (right?) and that it is an option for you. You're also welcome to stay here while I am gone (24th through the 27th) seriously.

Tuesday, December 19, 2006 12:16:00 PM  
Blogger Karma said...

Thanks guys. Things have gotten better with Dad, and now we're even bonding. That's the really difficult things about my relationship with my Dad - sometimes he's a monster, sometimes he's the most caring Dad.

Wednesday, January 03, 2007 8:14:00 AM  
Blogger Gail Rae said...

Well, this spells it out even more! Yeow. In a way, I almost feel blessed that the conflict with my siblings is mostly silent...of course, that means it may never be ironed out, but, you know, after reading this and the previous post of yours, I'm not sure vocalization settles issues, either. I notice, with relief, your response to your friends. Good on them.

Saturday, February 10, 2007 12:22:00 AM  
Blogger Karma said...

Yeah Gail, the conflict with my sister isn't going to go ironed out. She's going to continue to bail on us all, as you'll notice in future posts. Ah gotta love patterns.

Saturday, February 10, 2007 10:17:00 AM  

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