Anger, Frustration, and Dad

I've been running around all day getting ready for Mom's move tomorrow. Dad finally asked his friend, as I suggested, to help out since my sister bailed on us. The really frustrating thing about this is that my sister has wanted Mom to go to this new place before even me. We decided to push the idea on Dad by offering to take care of the move, to do all of the work ourselves. And my sister consistently makes a big deal about being left out of things, saying that she wants to help out with Mom and criticizing the way that Dad and the woman that I hired did things. So, now here we are getting what we want, and she's thrown this all onto us. In fact, Dad and I didn't make a lot of plans about how to pull off the move, waiting for my sister to be ready.

Dad clearly feels overwhelmed at having been stuck with having to do all the moving by himself (with the help of his friend). Tonight, he got really angry and was practically yelling at me about how he can't handle any more details and he doesn't want to bother with taking over new things to Mom's new place. I just walked out because I didn't appreciate that tone. I mean, jeez, as if I don't have enough on my plate having to last minute keep Mom occupied somewhere out of both facilities for an unspecified amount of time probably lasting the entire morning. AND Dad had the nerve to compare it to the first move when he claimed we had time to do the move slowly. See here for what really happened.

Tomorrow, he insists that he's leaving for Mom's at 9am, which means that I have to have her out of there by 9:15, which means that I have to leave the house at 8:30am, which means that despite that I haven't been sleeping well since I heard Grandma was dying, I'll have to wake up early tomorrow.

On top of that, Mom's facility is being especially neglectful, and when I arrived, Mom didn't have a pad on (for incontinence) and her underware was dirty. There was no activity at all tonight, and when I put on a movie and 6 residents other than Mom came by to watch, no staff even acknowledged any of us. I had to go ask someone for help to bring them something to drink after residents complained of being thirsty. I made Mom tea on my own, but the microwave was disgusting, with food splattered all over it.

I'm so frustrated that my father treats me the way that he does, especially with the way that the rest of my family treats me AND especially since I finally got him to acknowledge that he loved my grandmother (despite their later disagreements which he blames my aunt for, long story). I am frustrated at not having any space that is my own here. If he treats me like this tomorrow, I should just pack my things and go to a hotel.

Then on top of it, my sister had the nerve to call me up tonight to kvetch about all that she has to do taking care of my brother-in-law when I'm running around trying to catch up her slack for tomorrow. I'm exhausted. And what I really need is some space to grieve my grandmother and the way that my aunt has treated us AND to find out what really happened, if my aunt changed things in my grandmother's estate since grandma got Alzheimer's. I'm also in desperate need to connect to real friends. With one old friend (lawyer) working for my aunt secretly on my grandmother's estate and another not only completely blowing me off but having the nerve to give me a hard time when I told her that I miss her, I really need reassurance that there are some people in the world that I can trust - who won't lie to me, who will be there for me and who will grant me the blessing to do the same, and who won't use me or abuse me.

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