JewBu Quest: From Abuse to Happiness

JewBu: a Jew who practices forms of Buddhist meditation & spirituality. This blog documents my quest to 1) heal from sexual, verbal, and emotional abuse, 2) come to terms with losing Mom and Grandma to Alzheimers, 3) find balance, explore the spiritual, stay present. Bascially, I've experienced some pretty crappy shit in my life and want to find a way to move past it and find happiness.

Friday, December 08, 2006

Grandma Passed Early This Morning

I got in to Kansas City last night around 4:30pm. Dad picked me up and took me to dinner. I took a couple asprin because I could feel a migraine coming on, but I didn't want to bring out the big guns (aka real medication for the migraine that I should take immediately at onset) because I wanted to be able to drive to see Grandma later. On the way back to his house, we stopped by Mom's. She was SO happy to see me. She was in the bathroom when we got there - for God knows how long, probably putting soap on her face. There wasn't anything going on - one of the two tvs featured an infomerical on Proactiv (product for acne).

I made Mom tea (finding the herbal tea bags I got for her still locked away in her room and unused). Then, I put on one of her Barbara Streisand DVDs and brought her friend Shelly over to watch with her. I also turned on the VCR on the other TV, so that the residents sitting near there could actually watch something interesting to them.

Then, we went back to Dad's. I got my luggage to my room and called my sister. She said that she was briefly taking my niece over to Grandma's so that my niece could say goodbye. I wanted to be there for that, and also needed sis' help getting into Grandma's room that late at night. So I ran over to Grandma's.

Grandma was lying in bed with oxygen in her nose and her mouth wide open. You could hear her struggling to breathe. She looked like hell but her hair was somewhat done and she had lipstick on, which I was happy about because I know that'd be important to her. My sister was there already with her husband and two kids, and our cousin and this couple that used to take care of Grandma were there was well. My niece kept looking at Grandma and saying "I love you I love you I love you." She, my sister, and I sang Grandma this song "I love you" that her husband, my papa, used to sing to us.

My sister and I left around 9:30pm. The cousin was going to stay the night with Grandma. We planned to take my Mom today to say goodbye to Grandma. When I arrived, the nurse said that Grandma was responding by breathing heavier and had an increased heart rate. She said that perhaps Grandma had been waiting for me. We guessed that more likely, she's waiting for her daugters. I had told Grandma that it was okay that she died because we all love her and she'll live on inside of us.

Anyway, I am losing my timeline here. I got to Dad's, unpacked, and took Restoril (like Xanax, which I've been taking every night since the murder last year and used to take when couldn't sleep because of the rape), a muscle relaxer, and eventually when I still felt the pain of the migraine Imitrex (but double the dose I normally take because there was an error in the prescription, and I didn't want to bother cutting it in half). I knew that I had a big day ahead of me today, so I wanted to make sure that I didn't wake up with a migraine. But, I was completely knocked out.

My sister called me at 3:15 to tell me to go over to Grandma's because things were worsening. I didn't move when she called my cell but eventually half asleep answered the home phone when she called. I tried to explain that I was medicated and needed to sleep, but she called again around 6am to tell me that Grandma had died. She told me to get up and come over and be with the body, but I explained that I couldn't drive and wanted to sleep. Plus, I don't WANT to see the body, that's way too creepy for me.

My dad woke me up around 7:45am to tell me that my sister called him to see if I was up. We spoke briefly and then she went to get my niece ready for school. When she called later, my dad answered as well. My sis said that she wants to go today to tell Mom. Dad said that he wants to wait because the funeral won't be until Monday at earliest, so better to tell her Saturday or Sunday. I tried to stay out of it but said that I agree that maybe we shouldn't tell her until family starts to come into town. Finally, we agreed to tell her tomorrow, although my sister is clearly unhappy about this.

I'm going to go workout and have a shower, then my sister and her hubby and son are coming over for lunch. Then my sis and I are going to Mom's to take her out shopping. I bet you that she tries to convince me to tell Mom this afternoon. I have to be strong because I REALLY think Mom'll just want to be alone with my dad a bit after she hears. Of course, the plan is after that to not leave her alone much.

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3 Comments:

Anonymous Peg said...

Karma, Im so sorry to hear about your grandma, my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family, during your time of loss. I hope that everything goes well when you tell your mom.
Take care and be strong!!

Friday, December 08, 2006 6:41:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm so sorry, honey - call me if you want to - Kathy

Saturday, December 09, 2006 7:01:00 AM  
Blogger Gail Rae said...

My mother, as well, has an aversion to seeing the dead. Her attitude is, "That's not them." And, it's not. My deepest condolences on the loss of your grandmother, Karma. She will, indeed, live on in your heart, lipstick and all. She would be pleased to know this.

Sunday, December 10, 2006 8:14:00 PM  

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