JewBu Quest: From Abuse to Happiness

JewBu: a Jew who practices forms of Buddhist meditation & spirituality. This blog documents my quest to 1) heal from sexual, verbal, and emotional abuse, 2) come to terms with losing Mom and Grandma to Alzheimers, 3) find balance, explore the spiritual, stay present. Bascially, I've experienced some pretty crappy shit in my life and want to find a way to move past it and find happiness.

Monday, January 01, 2007

Happy New Year!

Well, my life continues to be a whirlwind, or at least feel like it. I've been trying to be kind to myself and give myself lots of time with friends and to rest. Saturday night, I had dinner with some friends, and then we just hung out and drank and played games.

Last night, I had dinner with my parents and Kathy, hung out at Mom's, and then went out with my friend Merissa (Kathy was supposed to come but bailed out). We went to a party that a friend of hers got us invited to downtown. We were the ONLY women at the party (with the brief exception of a 50 year oldish lesbian couple), but it was a lot of fun. Everyone was very laid back, warm, and welcoming. Afterwards, we went over to this drag bar, Missy B's, which was super packed. Despite the fact that I had an argument with Kathy for the last two nights which is unresolved and very painful, I managed to have a really good time. For a couple of hours, I could relate to nice people in a way that didn't involve my thesis, my work, or my family. I also kissed someone at midnight and have a date for this Saturday. It made me feel like a normal person again instead of this tragic case.

I'm now officially into my last week in Kansas City. I have friends to meet up with, work to catch up on, my thesis to work on, my mom to take care of, my dad still kvetching about my aunt. It is still not an easy time by any means, but in the spirit of being kind to myself, when things got wirey with Kathy and another friend Ken (long story which I don't want to get into since Kathy reads the blog), I just let myself lay down for a couple of hours and rest...in part because I was so shocked by everything that's going on in my life.

I feel a little bit releaved about having 2006 behind me. It was a year filled with trouble and strife - the death of my grandmother, the quick decline of my mother, moving my mother into an ALF, the murder of my neighbor, and some serious let downs by people that I thought were good friends. This is the first new year's in a long time where I'm not sure what to expect from the coming year.

But, I have learned a thing or two though about how to approach the year. I expect that there will be more rough times ahead, so I know that I have to take things one step at a time and be diligent about remaining kind to myself and taking care of myself. I need to reach out to other people more, but in a more careful way, ensuring boundaries and that I don't get too emeshed with other people too quickly. I know that my priorities are shifting, and that while I still want to work on my career, I want to do it in a more balanced way. I want more space for relationships with other people (friendship and romantic) and for enjoying life. I also know that I need to create space for just acknowledging what I'm going through, so that I can move out of denial and shock and into feeling the pain of what I've been through, so that I can heal.

Thank you to everyone whose been reading my blog and expressing support over the past year.

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2 Comments:

Blogger Gail Rae said...

I have a confession...I do like reading end-of-beginning-of-year summations late, then checking to see if positive thoughts lead to positive experiences.
I hope, in the next several minutes, to find that they are doing just this for you, Karma.

Saturday, February 10, 2007 12:36:00 AM  
Blogger Karma said...

The positive thoughts I think did lead to positive experiences, but as I start to fall into old patterns, it is good to be reminded of my new year's intentions.

Saturday, February 10, 2007 10:12:00 AM  

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