JewBu Quest: From Abuse to Happiness

JewBu: a Jew who practices forms of Buddhist meditation & spirituality. This blog documents my quest to 1) heal from sexual, verbal, and emotional abuse, 2) come to terms with losing Mom and Grandma to Alzheimers, 3) find balance, explore the spiritual, stay present. Bascially, I've experienced some pretty crappy shit in my life and want to find a way to move past it and find happiness.

Sunday, April 15, 2007

Letter Back to My Dad

Dear Dad,

There are a few things that I would like to say in response to your later from 4-6-07. First, as you know, I have been given a copy of this report from Dr. Anderson previously. We’ve also discussed it many times, and I know that the report has been useful to you in other ways, i.e. when you need to prove Mom’s illness to someone – for financial reasons and probably also at Sunrise. Also, I want to remind you that Dr. Anderson prescribed the Namenda, which showed some significant help to Mom.

My point is that despite that it took you several hours to go to this doctor and that you had some frustrations, there were some GOOD things that came out of it. The point of going to the doctor isn’t that it’ll be easy and perfect, but to gain some knowledge and another opinion about a medical issue. My desire for Mom to see a geriatric psychiatrist, or someone who specializes in the sorts of issues that Mom is dealing with now, is to gain more information about what is going on AND to give Mom the benefit of significant evaluation of her mental health issues.

You pointed out that you were at Dr. Anderson’s office for 3 hours. Since that time, you have spent more time for yourself in medical doctors’ offices than you have taking Mom to them. How long have you spent getting treatments for yourself? My point is not that you shouldn’t be getting treatments, but to remind you that Mom can no longer take her self and that unless you give someone else permission, she can not get there without you.

In regards to anti-depressants, I will tell you that although when they were misdiagnosed for me, I had some negative reactions to them, I was on the anti-depressant lexapro last year for several months after you told me that you were moving Mom into a home. I was dealing with a lot of depressed emotions then, and while when I returned home and could focus on what I was feeling and have time to process it, the lexapro really helped me make it through that time. Notably, I experienced no side effects to the medication.

Still, we are not talking about putting Mom on an anti-depressant at this time, so I’m not sure how that discussion is even relevant. I am encouraging having a specialist look more indepthly at Mom’s mental health issues and have the person consider treating her with anti-anxiety medication (i.e. Xanax) instead of anti-psychotic medication (Seraquil) since her problem appears to be one of anxiety, and she is not showing psychotic symptoms from what Mary Ann and Nancy explained to me.

Also, I do NOT appreciate that letter about inter-marriage. I am not sure what your point was in sending it to me. I have only been dating Jerry for three months, and the last thing that I need is pressure to not marry him when we’ve only just started dating ESPECIALLY when you would actually really like this guy a whole heck of a lot more than any other guy I’ve been dating. (Showing affinity for Alex 10 years after we dated doesn’t count.)

We’re all going through a rough time, and we need to be supportive of one another.


Blogger Gail Rae said...

Brave letter, Karma.
One suggestion. You might consider sending a copy of this to, hmmm..., would it be Dr. Andersen? Or which ever doctor is primarily responsible for your mother's medical care.
If you have a problem with that person reading the personal stuff, send an abridged copy. This might start a useful dialogue between your Dad and your Mom's medical providers.

Sunday, April 15, 2007 12:53:00 PM  
Blogger Karma said...

Dad only took Mom to Dr. Andersen once - didn't follow any of her medical advice. The medical doctor responsible for Mom's care is a GP through the facility. And apparently any communication from me to that guy is unwelcome from my Dad's point of view.

Sunday, April 15, 2007 6:27:00 PM  

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