JewBu Quest: From Abuse to Happiness

JewBu: a Jew who practices forms of Buddhist meditation & spirituality. This blog documents my quest to 1) heal from sexual, verbal, and emotional abuse, 2) come to terms with losing Mom and Grandma to Alzheimers, 3) find balance, explore the spiritual, stay present. Bascially, I've experienced some pretty crappy shit in my life and want to find a way to move past it and find happiness.

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

How I'm Coping With It

I am trying to just pick up and keep going, but I'm honestly just torn apart by how things are with Mom. I knew that this was coming, but its just so shocking that in a few months, my Mom doesn't know who I am anymore. I hated seeing her like this, and I feel so completely powerless. I slept like HELL last night - having a hard time falling asleep and then waking up every couple of hours.

5 Comments:

Anonymous Jane said...

Sending you huge hugs. And smses- I hope you got them xxx

Friday, July 13, 2007 4:22:00 AM  
Blogger Shari said...

((Hugs))

Friday, July 13, 2007 1:35:00 PM  
Blogger Jenn said...

There's nothing about AD that doesn't suck. My mom's decline started when she was about 50 (13 years ago) so I know what you are going through. Early on, two friends imparted two pieces of advice. One: people with AD can still have joy in their lives. It's the people around them who do the worst suffering; and two: if you keep thinking about what you're missing, you'll miss what you have.

Even though sometimes I cry until I can't breathe, these words have given me enormous comfort over the years. I hope they help.

Sunday, July 15, 2007 12:52:00 PM  
Blogger Karma said...

Thanks Jane, Shari, and Jenn. Jane, I haven't been getting your SMSes. Jenn, the hard things was that I didn't really see any joy in my mom anymore. I saw moments of lesser anxiety. Maybe I wasn't trying hard enough and it was just too short of a visit. I certainly think what you say is important and what I've tried to hold on to.

But what do I have left now? My mom doesn't know me, she is anxious all the time, her personality has basically disappeared.

Sunday, July 15, 2007 1:25:00 PM  
Blogger Jenn said...

A few years ago, my mom had no idea who I was and was almost hostile. But now she knows me again for at least a few minutes each time I see her, and it makes her really happy. So, even though it's a slow march to the end, you still might get some moments to hold on to.

Monday, July 16, 2007 7:39:00 AM  

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