JewBu Quest: From Abuse to Happiness

JewBu: a Jew who practices forms of Buddhist meditation & spirituality. This blog documents my quest to 1) heal from sexual, verbal, and emotional abuse, 2) come to terms with losing Mom and Grandma to Alzheimers, 3) find balance, explore the spiritual, stay present. Bascially, I've experienced some pretty crappy shit in my life and want to find a way to move past it and find happiness.

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

Loneliness and Anxiety

Augh! I'm still feeling lonely and anxious. As I write this, the phone rings, and I get excited thinking that someone is finally calling me. But, its just an organization looking for a donation. Sigh. During my office hours, a peer of mine (who I really have issues with - - long story) told me that an undergrad in her lab is taking my class. The undergrad told her that I seem very nervous when I'm teaching and feels sorry for me.

Of course, I FEEL anxious when teaching. Its really fun, and I'm enjoying it, but its hard to get up in front of 60 people and try to get them to talk and to lecture at them. Its hard though to know that I'm not doing a very good job of hiding it. I don't want to have people feel sorry for me when I'm teaching; I'd like them to respect and admire me!

Anyway, I called me therapist to talk about these feelings that I'm having about Jerry being gone, and she basically just told me to try to manage the anxiety the best I can and next week when we have a therapy appointment, we can talk about why I'm feeling the anxiety.

I have NO plans with anyone ALL weekend. I will have something to do Friday night - I'm just trying to finalize plans. I still feel this lingering anxiety and sadness almost all the time now, and I wish that I could make that go away.

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Blogger April_optimist said...

I often teach workshops and even coach people on public speaking. It can be fun and it's also stressful. Deep breathing techniques help. So does standing very straight so we get enough oxygen in our lungs and our voices project. So does finding OUR passion in whatever it is we are speaking. And it helps to make eye contact. Why? Because then we can see if what we are saying is resonating with students--even if they are not speaking up.

It also helps if you can go through your closet and with each outfit you usually wear to teach, imagine yourself at your best. Imagine your most successful teaching experience. (In essence, you are creating positive triggers for the experience of teaching.)

You can similarly set up such emotions with jewelry or a watch.

Don't know if any of this is helpful but...these are some of the things that work for me.

Wednesday, July 04, 2007 10:29:00 AM  
Blogger Karma said...

That is certainly helpful. Thanks!

Wednesday, July 04, 2007 11:03:00 AM  

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