JewBu Quest: From Abuse to Happiness

JewBu: a Jew who practices forms of Buddhist meditation & spirituality. This blog documents my quest to 1) heal from sexual, verbal, and emotional abuse, 2) come to terms with losing Mom and Grandma to Alzheimers, 3) find balance, explore the spiritual, stay present. Bascially, I've experienced some pretty crappy shit in my life and want to find a way to move past it and find happiness.

Monday, November 12, 2007

Woho Dating

My dating life is very much ramped up, and I'm not quite sure about how I feel about it all. I had a date with this very nice Jewish girl (NJG) who is getting her dissertation also related to gender issues. She was fantastic, and we had tons in common. Her dad had a stroke and is in a similar state to my Mom, and we got to bond over being so young having these issues and being dedicated to our parents and lots more.

Then, last night I went to a concert with my friend P. P has become one of my closest friends recently, but it was a bit weird for me when she started big time hinting about wanting to kiss me. And then, NJG was at the bar we went to later. I told P that I had been out with NJG, and she asked me if I can date more than one person at a time. I told her that we'd talk about it not while screaming in a loud bar. And then of course, I couldn't talk to either NJG or P without feeling like...just wrong. So, I just danced until I left.

I asked P to meet me for dinner tonight where she just laid everything on the table and said that she's not looking for a relationship now but that she really wants to just kiss me sometimes and casually date me. I told her that let's wait until at least next month when she files for divorce. Yes, that's what I said. Yes, its all very complicated.

Tomorrow night I have a date now with NJG. And then P and I are going to San Francisco for Thanksgiving. Augh! Plus, I have the guy in Kansas City. And there's a guy that I've been sleeping with here off and on but just as friends. So, my love life is a little bit full...especially for someone who is completely emotionally not available. My commitment is to my family right now. I feel oddly raw and confused. I mean, what the hell am I doing here juggling four people? I'm a monogamous kind of girl normally. And while NJG is perfect for me on paper, P is a really good friend and treats me fabulous. So what am I really looking for?

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Blogger April_optimist said...

Sounds as if you're exploring what and who you want and need in your life. That's not a bad thing--to keep things at a casual level while you explore possibilities. There's time for monogamy when you have a clearer sense of yourself and what's right for YOU.

Wednesday, November 14, 2007 2:56:00 PM  

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