JewBu Quest: From Abuse to Happiness

JewBu: a Jew who practices forms of Buddhist meditation & spirituality. This blog documents my quest to 1) heal from sexual, verbal, and emotional abuse, 2) come to terms with losing Mom and Grandma to Alzheimers, 3) find balance, explore the spiritual, stay present. Bascially, I've experienced some pretty crappy shit in my life and want to find a way to move past it and find happiness.

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Complete Exhaustion

Last night I had a date with Michael who basically said that he wants to move forward into a relationship and probably doesn't want to see me anymore if I'm not there. So, I guess we may stop seeing each other. Michael is the guy who is super sweet but who I haven't felt that attracted to. But, we have a great time together, and I feel us developing this friendship which could turn into something more. On his end, I understand that he keeps taking me out for these expensive dinners and what is he getting in return.

My neighbors were outside and being very funny as Michael and I were discussing this in his car at the end of the date. One actually came up and looked at the car and then went to my front door. So, I got out and talked to them, breaking the awkwardness in the car. Turns out that a different neighbor was smoking pot and burning stuff, and they just wanted to check up on me since this car parked in front of my place was also there earlier in the night. It was kinda funny and they were embarrassed later for clearly breaking up my date. But, it was nice to chat with them, and they are lending me a sleeping bag.

I came home and for the first time in a while didn't chow down on anything. I just relaxed a bit before bed. Then, I slept fantastically and a half hour later than usual. But, I'm still exhausted today and took an almost 2 hour nap when I felt a migraine coming on. I missed this workshop that I was going to go to on campus. I'm just exhausted. It is hard for me to work even now; I kinda just want to watch tv on the couch and snuggle with my very cute pooch. But, I'll press on.

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2 Comments:

Blogger Shari said...

That's great that you just listened to your body and heart. You know what's best. Getting some sleep. Knowing what's in your heart for the person who you are dating. Take care.

Saturday, October 20, 2007 8:09:00 AM  
Blogger April_optimist said...

It's hard to let go of anyone if there haven't been a lot of people in your life who have truly loved and supported you. Heck, it's hard even if there have been.

It's okay to feel what you feel. It's okay for others to be unhappy with you. It's good that you aren't just pretending to feel what you think you're supposed to feel.

You deserve to be with someone who makes you happy on all levels.

Saturday, October 20, 2007 2:30:00 PM  

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