JewBu Quest: From Abuse to Happiness

JewBu: a Jew who practices forms of Buddhist meditation & spirituality. This blog documents my quest to 1) heal from sexual, verbal, and emotional abuse, 2) come to terms with losing Mom and Grandma to Alzheimers, 3) find balance, explore the spiritual, stay present. Bascially, I've experienced some pretty crappy shit in my life and want to find a way to move past it and find happiness.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Compassionate Communication (NVC)

I've been taking a class on this method of communication and below am practicing it.

What happened:
I called Tonia back and told her about getting bad student midquarter reviews. She went off on how bad of a teacher I am. I told her that I didn't want to be criticized, especially at such a late hour. She told me that giving advice is what she does. I told her that's not what I'm needing. She told me that's all she can offer. Then she started giving me more "advice" on how bad my teaching is this quarter. I told her that this wasn't helping me. The phone was disconnected. Then, she did some work on statistical data analysis to help me, but she wouldn't listen to what the problems were. So her work was not helpful to me. The family crisis then happened, and I decided that I didn't want "advice" but to be supported, so I didn't call Tonia. She called J and had her push me to call Tonia asap because Tonia NEEDED to hear what the progress was with the statistics. I called Tonia and told her that I am in crisis with my family, don't want advice, and there hasn't been any progress on the stats. She thanked me for calling because she had already (it had only been about half a week) deleted my number from her phone. I ended the conversation quickly after she confirmed that she wouldn't be able to support me, only give me advice.

When I am given "advice", I feel hurt, alienated and discouraged because of my need to feel heard and supported. Are you willing to talk about what its like for me when you give me "advice?"

What happened?
Dad told me that he wants to euthenize Mom, and then without telling me switched her medications and hospice.

NVC: When I don't know that Mom is recieving the best possible care and how she's doing, I feel anxious, frightened, and hurt because of my need to know that my mom is safe and secure.


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