JewBu Quest: From Abuse to Happiness

JewBu: a Jew who practices forms of Buddhist meditation & spirituality. This blog documents my quest to 1) heal from sexual, verbal, and emotional abuse, 2) come to terms with losing Mom and Grandma to Alzheimers, 3) find balance, explore the spiritual, stay present. Bascially, I've experienced some pretty crappy shit in my life and want to find a way to move past it and find happiness.

Saturday, February 07, 2009

Family Drama and a First Date

Dad called me up two nights ago to again tell me that he wants to take Mom off of Ativan because he thinks when she has seizures that she declines more quickly. Its so frustrating; all medicine tells us that she has seizures when she's declining quickly but the seizures are a result of the decline, not a cause. Its frustrating. He doesn't like the hospice that Mom is on because he thinks that she's declining not as quickly on hospice.

I went on a first date -- or predate -- I don't know. I met a guy on match.com who is perfect for me on paper: he's a JewBu, very smart, passionate, an activist, liberal. It was fun, but at points kind of painful because the whole thing is so forced. And I tried to get into to it, but its hard to make yourself vulnerable with a perfect stranger. To make it even harder, I met with a student who is struggling beforehand and had some meshugas with one of my faculty members just before that. So it was hard to get myself prepared. Its also hard to do light chit chat when there's so much deep stuff happening in my life. And you don't want to talk about your mom dying on a first date.

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