I Pick Partners Who Don't Treat Me Right

Last night, I hung out (separately) with my old and dear friend Paul and his family and then with my friend Merissa. Apparently, Merissa told me that she and Paul had a conversation recently about me. They decided that the people I date don't treat me right. Paul said that he thinks that *A* never treated me right (and he was there from when we first started dating when I was 15!).

There was something very epiphany-ish about hearing it though so broadly from people who know me so well. I do fall for people who treat me poorly. There is one exception that I can think of off hand, this rabbinic student that I dated in Israel who treated me VERY well. But I broke it off with him because I didn't have the same kind of feelings for him that he had for me. I think its a sign.

It is interesting also because it is a way in which I am like my mom. She taught me to love those who hurt me and to ignore those who don't. I tend not to see myself as like my mom -- I think of my sister as taking after Mom, and I have moved past these issues of my parents. But apparently, I'm like Mom too. And there are a lot of ways I want to be like my mother; this isn't one of them.

Imago theory, which I've discussed previously, would say that I need to work on this issue myself before partnering OR find a partner who tends to treat the one they love not well BUT is interested in working past that. I'm going to start with working on me. I think that this is going to mean starting with friendships and make sure that I make friendships with people who are good to me and then appreciate those friendships. It means not being co-dependent with anyone. And it means learning better to ask for what I want and surround myself with people who give me what I need.

All of this also means that Z is DEFINITELY not the right guy for me. I see that more clearly now....hopefully, I can actually let him go in my heart now.