JewBu Quest: From Abuse to Happiness

JewBu: a Jew who practices forms of Buddhist meditation & spirituality. This blog documents my quest to 1) heal from sexual, verbal, and emotional abuse, 2) come to terms with losing Mom and Grandma to Alzheimers, 3) find balance, explore the spiritual, stay present. Bascially, I've experienced some pretty crappy shit in my life and want to find a way to move past it and find happiness.

Sunday, March 19, 2006

Dark V. Light People

I got an email from my friend, Bill (who doesn't know that I have this blog, I hope he wouldn't be offended that I'm sharing his words): "When I speak of ‘dark’ vs. ‘light’ people I’m describing a gut level response I have about how someone is aligned. Are they going to take from me? Are they going to give to me? Or, preferably, can there be a sharing between us. Darkness to me is a preoccupation with the self, the ego, a “what’s in it for me” mentality/approach. Light people tend to be very spiritual and are often less concerned with themselves. Balanced folks combine elements of both. There was a sweet and vulnerable quality I sensed in you and your story was truly poignant. When I mentioned staying close to the light I meant that I was surrounding myself with people who: I trust, who share my values, who orient themselves towards caring and compassion. My gut says that you need to spend time rebuilding trust and faith in people and that you need as little turbulence and drama in your life as possible. Unless that turbulence helps distract..."

He was responding to what I had said in the previous email: "
I've been thinking a lot about what you said about people who feel light and who feel dark. I'm not sure if I entirely sure what you mean, but I think that I'm generally attracted to people who are somewhat dark - people who have issues that they are deeply struggling with, who understand how dark the world can be - they are more interesting and often feel more real/honest. I'm thinking a lot about it because if the goal is to be light, maybe I need to find a way to let go of all of this darkness." I think that it is difficult to be deeply struggling with an issue but still be light. Bill says that people who are balanced have elements of both. I think that for myself and a lot of people that I am attracted to, darkness generally overpowers any connection to light. I do need to figure out some way to let go of all of this darkness. As Bill mentioned later in his email, I probably am attracted to more dark people as a way of distracting myself. Probably the answer is less in focusing on what I'm looking for in others and more about focusing on finding more balance within myself.

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