JewBu Quest: From Abuse to Happiness

JewBu: a Jew who practices forms of Buddhist meditation & spirituality. This blog documents my quest to 1) heal from sexual, verbal, and emotional abuse, 2) come to terms with losing Mom and Grandma to Alzheimers, 3) find balance, explore the spiritual, stay present. Bascially, I've experienced some pretty crappy shit in my life and want to find a way to move past it and find happiness.

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

A Better Day

Well, earlier in the day, I was about to write a post about how hard I was having it. And then, things got a whole lot better. Someone came over to help me clean out a closet, and it felt really good to actually accomplish something, even though it was a pretty long and difficult task. I worked out for the second day in a row by doing some stupid exercise video. But, there isn't anywhere else for me to go right now - can't go to school, getting run around from athletic clubs, yadda yadda. But, I'm trying to do the things that I need to do to get better.

I went to a support group for people experiencing loss. It felt really good to be in an environment where we could all just talk about this stuff, and I wasn't the worst one off. Its maybe bad that I need others to be on the low level that I'm at so that I don't feel alone, but it made me feel less alone. I felt so good that I got convinced to stay for the next "class" that the leader was leading - which was a self-esteem class. I feel really connected to my mom tonight and even though there's still anxiety, I just feel better about it. I feel like I'll get better and that makes the anxiety less. I feel less alone and that makes the anxiety less.

I know that it is hard on my friends to have me going through such a tough time, and I appreciate everyone's support. I will get better. I am getting better. (It is just a slow, long, hard ass process.)


Anonymous Anonymous said...

That's great, K! It sounds like you are feeling better than you have in a long while, a shimmering light is approaching so to speak. You say you feel really connected to your mom, I've been wondering if you have talked to her lately? Just curious. It really warms my heart to read you found others to connect with. I know one of the worst feelings in the world is when you feel all alone with your own feelings. It's just great you feel hope, I am very happy for you this morning as I read your post. S.

Wednesday, April 12, 2006 6:08:00 AM  
Blogger Karma said...

My dad normally has speakerphone on when I talk to him so my mom can hear. And I know that she usually listens in on the conversations. Sometimes, she wanders around the house instead (an Alzheimer's thing). She doesn't talk much, and when she does, it is if my dad tells her to say something, like "say hi to Karma" and then she says "hi Karma" and that's it. Sometimes she'll make a comment, but it usually is some expression of being confused.
Thanks for caring about me so much, S. I appreciate it.

Wednesday, April 12, 2006 10:03:00 AM  
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Tuesday, May 02, 2006 5:25:00 AM  

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