A Little Help From My Friends

Thanks K for calling me just now. Our conversation made me realize that I am in a pattern with *A* where I want a single relationship to make me whole again, which clearly it can't. The path is to become whole (as much as possible) on my own and to focus on many connections to many people.

I wrote this poem several years ago, which I think displays my pattern:


Band-Aid

running
searching
for protection
in one
man
to overlook
my open wounds
numbing them
with a band-aid
of happiness
safety
he takes off
eventually
running.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
So the focus of this poem is on how I don't have control over when the band-aid comes off, and that when it does, I am not yet healed. However, what it also illustrates is that I'm looking for this one person to "numb" my pain INSTEAD of just confronting my pain and taking responsibility for healing myself.

Part of my struggle with this is that I don't completely have faith that it is possible to fully heal. I feel like these wounds will always be here (even though I know this is false logic and a part of PTSD).

So anyway, thanks K for being such a good friend. I'm going to try to work on presentation for Tuesday.