JewBu Quest: From Abuse to Happiness

JewBu: a Jew who practices forms of Buddhist meditation & spirituality. This blog documents my quest to 1) heal from sexual, verbal, and emotional abuse, 2) come to terms with losing Mom and Grandma to Alzheimers, 3) find balance, explore the spiritual, stay present. Bascially, I've experienced some pretty crappy shit in my life and want to find a way to move past it and find happiness.

Friday, April 14, 2006

Searching for Celebration

So, I met with my therapist (Dr. S) again today. She suggested that I try to find ways to turn evenings into celebrations, after I explained how basically every night, I get a lot of anxiety. The idea of it made my cry a little bit: Is there a way to do this? It seems impossible. So, this is one of my tasks for the next week. Her idea: Go to the beach and watch the sunset.

I'm still amazed at how much anxiety comes up just around figuring out what to do with myself. I am resistant to doing the things that I need to do or that I should do. I have a hard time giving myself permission to just do superflicious things. It seems like the path to healing is about finding ways to get through the day with minimal anxiety, seeking joy, and somehow managing to get the things done that need to get done (or at least should get done). Am I rambling?

Thank god for Fridays, but here's how struggle is going to take place tonight. Tonight, I can either: 1) go to Hillel for services and free Passover dinner, 2) go to school for group meditation with other students, 3) go to a coffee shop and read "Middlesex", or 4) stay at home and watch a movie/tv. These seem like easy, nice choices. But, I can tell you how each one has negative consequences and don't feel comfortable choosing any of them. Oy. Can I make one of them be a celebration tonight?


Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home