JewBu Quest: From Abuse to Happiness

JewBu: a Jew who practices forms of Buddhist meditation & spirituality. This blog documents my quest to 1) heal from sexual, verbal, and emotional abuse, 2) come to terms with losing Mom and Grandma to Alzheimers, 3) find balance, explore the spiritual, stay present. Bascially, I've experienced some pretty crappy shit in my life and want to find a way to move past it and find happiness.

Sunday, April 30, 2006

My Dad: Hero or Monster?

So basically, all of my father's relatives and his friends describe him as having sacrificed himself the last couple of years taking care of my Alzheimer's ridden mom. My mom's family describes him as a monster who doesn't care about anything than himself and who has no heart. And, I guess maybe it is sort of both. I think I've been kind of in denial about how abusively he treats my mom because I've felt like there's nothing that I can do about it. I also WANT him to be a good guy because I need him to be; I want my dad to be a hero, not a monster.

I'll have to put up with my father at least until I can get my mom's room set up. But, after that, I have to start standing up for my mom, even if it means losing my relationship with my dad. I can't let her be treated this way, even if it means taking time away from my career. I'm not even able to really concentrate on my job as a research assistant and am behind with work there. I haven't even thought about my own research in months. I just accepted an offer to write an encyclopedia entry on sexual violence. It is a big step for my career. I just hope that I can actually get it done.

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