JewBu Quest: From Abuse to Happiness

JewBu: a Jew who practices forms of Buddhist meditation & spirituality. This blog documents my quest to 1) heal from sexual, verbal, and emotional abuse, 2) come to terms with losing Mom and Grandma to Alzheimers, 3) find balance, explore the spiritual, stay present. Bascially, I've experienced some pretty crappy shit in my life and want to find a way to move past it and find happiness.

Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Looking for a New Group

Well, I dragged my tuchus last night to the loss/grieving support group, and I have to say that I don't think its the place for me, and I don't want to go back. After everything that's happened this week, I didn't even get to acknowledge it in the group. It is the third week, and we went around and had people who hadn't spoken before say why they're coming to the group. People just went on and on, and the leader didn't have much to say other than a little validation. When we're halfway through, and this couple starts talking about how they didn't get to adopt the girl that they wanted to, I got up to go to the bathroom.

Just outside the room were these two people who normally come to the group. They both have some serious disabilities - are in wheelchairs, don't have full use of their arms, struggle talking, etc. So, the woman stops me and asks me if I'll feed her this cake that she just purchased and if I'll give her my telephone number. I tell her that I'm on my way to the bathroom. She follows me and waits outside the bathroom. When I come out, she asks me to get her sodas. I do this, with money that I find in her bag, and then I say let's go back to her boyfriend who is waiting for us. I say that I'm going to go back into the group and ask if they want me to hold the door open for them. The guy says that the group leader will get mad if they come in late. Me: Well I'll ask her in between people sharing.

So I go inside and the same couple are still talking about this adoption stuff. From inside, everyone in the room can hear the two outside talking. I have to focus on trying to get the leader's attention to get permission for them to come inside, and I'm realizing that I'm not going to get to say anything tonight. I'm tempted to just get up and leave because it is draining to hear everyone's stories, and I'm annoyed that I can't have 5 minutes to just say hey, I won't be here next week because I have to go help put my mom in a home and say goodbye to my grandmother and it'll be hard. And I've been gearing up all day to give myself some space in this group to just cry and be emotional about it.

I really need to find another group. It can't be the only grief group in town. So I looked up some places last night and will make some calls this morning.


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