JewBu Quest: From Abuse to Happiness

JewBu: a Jew who practices forms of Buddhist meditation & spirituality. This blog documents my quest to 1) heal from sexual, verbal, and emotional abuse, 2) come to terms with losing Mom and Grandma to Alzheimers, 3) find balance, explore the spiritual, stay present. Bascially, I've experienced some pretty crappy shit in my life and want to find a way to move past it and find happiness.

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

Seder Made My Skin Crawl

Okay, so Passover is my favorite holiday, but being a single gal can make the holiday suck. Luckily, one other friend of mine was dorky enough not to be invited to a seder. He tried to host one actually, but hardly anyone could be there so he cancelled it. I went to Hillel, and I'm grateful that its there, but I don't enjoy being one of the only non-undergraduates, especially with the vibe of the school, which is very snotty rich kids.

The beginning of the seder was nice. There is a new woman rabbi at Hillel, and she started by having us write down questions (which she answered during the four questions) and something that we want to get rid of (our own personal hametz). She burned the pieces of paper with the latter. It was almost meaningful. But it went on FOREVER, and there wasn't much to talk about and the food sucked and I just couldn't wait to get the fuck out of there.

Now it's 10:40 p.m. and I'm at home even though people are probably still at Hillel, and I feel a little panic attack coming on from having been out late and not gone through my normal sleep ritual stuff and I have to get up tomorrow and go to work (for my research team). Grrrr. That's PTSD - ups and downs...everyday...up...then down....


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