JewBu Quest: From Abuse to Happiness

JewBu: a Jew who practices forms of Buddhist meditation & spirituality. This blog documents my quest to 1) heal from sexual, verbal, and emotional abuse, 2) come to terms with losing Mom and Grandma to Alzheimers, 3) find balance, explore the spiritual, stay present. Bascially, I've experienced some pretty crappy shit in my life and want to find a way to move past it and find happiness.

Sunday, May 07, 2006

Staying With My Mom

Well, I changed my flight this morning to stay in KC until next Friday. I talked to my friend Carly last night who convinced me that I should stay with here instead of coming back. When my mom called home around 8 this morning, upset because she thought that I'd leave and she wanted to say goodbye, she just sounded like she had gone to the care managers crying and upset. Maybe I'm over-reacting, but I just don't want to leave her when I know that she needs me.

Every night, I tuck her into bed. I help her get ready, pull down the covers, get her settled, turn on the tv for her, put her favorite blanket on top, give her a kiss, tell her to have sweet dreams and that I'll see her tomorrow. It is like taking care of a small child.

Carly said that I should plan on coming back to KC every month. Honestly, I don't know what I'm up for. It is so hard being here. I mean, I feel better just being here instead of worrying about how it'll be, but this is really draining. I'm spending most of my waking hours with my mom. I did, however, go to Border's last night to get presents for my neice and nephew, and the check out guy was super hard core flirting with me. He invited me to come back and meet him.

My dad has been fine. Actually, he's been openning up a lot.

God, the coffee shop is playing "I Left My Heart in San Francisco" and I'm starting to cry a little bit. Not only does my mom really love this song, but it was mentioned at the funeral of my neighbor by her boyfriend who said that going to San Fran was their last trip.


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