JewBu Quest: From Abuse to Happiness

JewBu: a Jew who practices forms of Buddhist meditation & spirituality. This blog documents my quest to 1) heal from sexual, verbal, and emotional abuse, 2) come to terms with losing Mom and Grandma to Alzheimers, 3) find balance, explore the spiritual, stay present. Bascially, I've experienced some pretty crappy shit in my life and want to find a way to move past it and find happiness.

Thursday, July 06, 2006

Coughing Blood Today: Doctor Tomorrow

I spoke with my dad today briefly. When I asked him if he has an appointment to see the doctor, he said that he has one tomorrow morning. I asked if he wanted to make a list of his symptoms, and he said that right now there's only the blood in his speutem and the rapid weight loss.

Now, I haven't heard anything before about coughing up blood. Jeez, this is really serious. This is so classic lung cancer. Lung cancer has really horrible survival rate - only 13% of people diagnosed with lung cancer are alive after 5 years. I can't believe that both my parents dying. They're both in their early 60s.

Maybe I'm over-reacting about my dad, but this has been going on for months that he's been symptomatic, and people develop lung cancer for awhile before they get these kind of signs. And these aren't early lung cancer signs either. Plus, my dad keeps things from me, so I don't even know how bad things really are with him. At least he said today that he knows he needs to get a chest x-ray.

I feel really bad that I'm not there to go with him to the doctor; he has to go by himself. I'll have to make sure to call him around the time I think he'll get back. I also just emailed my lawyer to find out what kind of documents I have to get my dad to sign so that I can become my mom's caretaker if he goes first. I really can't believe this is happening. This has been the craziest horrible six months. I mean, my god. If my dad gets really sick, I am going to have no choice but to move back to Kansas City to take care of them, I think. I mean, my mom is so dependent upon seeing him every day and going out to dinner twice a week with him. She would really lose it if he died. She would be very upset if she picked up on him being physcially ill. I can't even let myself think like this, it is just hard to focus on anything else. I may have to in the next year take my mother to her mother's and her husband's funerals. My world is just completely upside down.



Anonymous Deb Peterson said...

Karma--I've just read your last three entries, and I'm thinking of you and sending positive thoughts your way (and your Dad's). I pray that you can find a little safe spot for yourself SOMEWHERE--just to get a bit of respite from all this stress. Sometimes I have to repeat to myself: One day at a time, one day at a time. There is only so much you can do in a day, the rest is out of your control. For every gloomy story you hear there is a positive one when it comes to a person's health, whether it's cancer or infectious disease. It seems odd to me that your father has not smoked for 10 years--that would seem to reduce his cancer risk. Do you think it might be TB? That's still around but it's very treatable. Whatever happens, I'm thinking of you.

Thursday, July 06, 2006 6:36:00 PM  
Blogger Karma said...

A couple of people have suggested that he might have TB. But that wouldn't explain his hoarseness, I think. And I don't think that he has had a fever. He hasn't seemed to have cold/flu like symptoms. But, I'm going to hold on to that though since TB is much more treatable than lung cancer.

Thursday, July 06, 2006 7:32:00 PM  

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