JewBu Quest: From Abuse to Happiness

JewBu: a Jew who practices forms of Buddhist meditation & spirituality. This blog documents my quest to 1) heal from sexual, verbal, and emotional abuse, 2) come to terms with losing Mom and Grandma to Alzheimers, 3) find balance, explore the spiritual, stay present. Bascially, I've experienced some pretty crappy shit in my life and want to find a way to move past it and find happiness.

Monday, May 15, 2006

1-2 Years

I just got off the phone with the family services person from the local Alzheimer's Assocation, who thankfully was more honest and blunt with me than many others have (including someone from national hotline that I called last month). She said that while this could take as much as another 20 years, it is most likely that my Mom will die in the next 1-2 years (because it is early onset and she's starting this rapid decline, and that her doctor at the facility told my sister that it will likely happen in the next year). I see now why everyone is encouraging me to go back and be with her a little bit.

I did feel releaved though when she had said at first why not see how Mom adjusts in the next couple of months and just plan on going back once a month or so. But, when we talked more, it seemed clear like going back for a longer period time will be much better. She did say though that it is a very personal decision. I don't think that I'll feel guilty either way because there is no black or white answer. I just feel like I'm going to lose both my mom and possibly my life out here and being with my family takes a big toll on me, and I just want to find a way to get through this with minimal losses, to actually get through this and not end up martyring myself like Mom did.


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