This Tears Me Apart

Last night, I went through all of the neglectful things that I saw at Mom's. He didn't seem to want to hear it. And, then I came upstairs and started drinking and drank way too much. I actually have a bit of a hangover now. And, I have this big conference call for work later today. Oy.

This whole process of just trying to keep my mom safe and minimizing her suffering, attempting to give her a little joy at this end stage of her life, fighting with her facility and my dad and my whole family - this all just really tears me apart.

It is really hard to decompress after being at Mom's place when things are bad. I didn't leave there yesterday until about 10pm, and then somehow I'm supposed to just come home and go to bed. Sometimes, I meet my friend Kathy for a drink somewhere and that helps. I used to go work out late at night, which helped but then became hard to sleep afterwards still. I just wish that I could go ahead and make things better for Mom instead of trying to cope with how horrible things are.

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