JewBu Quest: From Abuse to Happiness

JewBu: a Jew who practices forms of Buddhist meditation & spirituality. This blog documents my quest to 1) heal from sexual, verbal, and emotional abuse, 2) come to terms with losing Mom and Grandma to Alzheimers, 3) find balance, explore the spiritual, stay present. Bascially, I've experienced some pretty crappy shit in my life and want to find a way to move past it and find happiness.

Monday, August 28, 2006

This Tears Me Apart

Last night, I went through all of the neglectful things that I saw at Mom's. He didn't seem to want to hear it. And, then I came upstairs and started drinking and drank way too much. I actually have a bit of a hangover now. And, I have this big conference call for work later today. Oy.

This whole process of just trying to keep my mom safe and minimizing her suffering, attempting to give her a little joy at this end stage of her life, fighting with her facility and my dad and my whole family - this all just really tears me apart.

It is really hard to decompress after being at Mom's place when things are bad. I didn't leave there yesterday until about 10pm, and then somehow I'm supposed to just come home and go to bed. Sometimes, I meet my friend Kathy for a drink somewhere and that helps. I used to go work out late at night, which helped but then became hard to sleep afterwards still. I just wish that I could go ahead and make things better for Mom instead of trying to cope with how horrible things are.

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