JewBu Quest: From Abuse to Happiness

JewBu: a Jew who practices forms of Buddhist meditation & spirituality. This blog documents my quest to 1) heal from sexual, verbal, and emotional abuse, 2) come to terms with losing Mom and Grandma to Alzheimers, 3) find balance, explore the spiritual, stay present. Bascially, I've experienced some pretty crappy shit in my life and want to find a way to move past it and find happiness.

Saturday, January 20, 2007

Feeling Lonely

Dad called told me that he's going over to my sister's to make hamburgers. Mom isn't coming because my nephew is sick. This is the second week that they're doing it without Mom, as last week the weather was so bad. I imagine how lonely she would feel if she knew that they were all together without her. And I miss being there too and playing with my niece and just being all together.

I left a message for my neighbors to come over and watch a movie tonight if they want. I could also go to the symphony and get a cheap last minute ticket. I think I'll just stay home though. I'm having a hard time concentrating on work though. I keep thinking about the laundry and what I'll have for lunch. (My fridge is pretty barren.) I called *A* to see if he wants to get brunch, but he's going to work out instead and then to watch basketball. I was hoping he'd say something about dinner because at that point, I was feeling too desperate. He gets his mail delivered here, and he got a bunch of stuff that I know he's been waiting for. I feel like I'm a burden to him more than someone he wants to see and hang out with or even be there through this hard time.

I feel really lonely right now. I do have friends here that I'll hang out with tomorrow, and I have some great friends like Sanchi who live in other places. But, right now, I just feel really alone with all of this grief, pain, and piles of work to do. I find myself longing for a hug and someone to tell me that this is all going to be okay.

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

I left you something on my Happy Thoughts blog for today. I couldn't copy it on your comments. I'm computer challenged...

Saturday, January 20, 2007 5:53:00 PM  
Blogger Karma said...

Thank you for giving me just what I needed Melanie. I really appreciate how closely you've been reading my blog lately and your thoughtful comments.

Saturday, January 20, 2007 5:58:00 PM  
Blogger Karma said...

I've tried to right the things I talked about in the post. I went to the store and now there's food in the fridge. I'm having dinner at my neighbors and then we'll watch a movie. I asked my sister to call our cousins and ask if they'll tell her what the story is.

Saturday, January 20, 2007 6:00:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wish that I could take you out for sushi to that place you like...catching up on your blog....


Love S.

Wednesday, January 24, 2007 8:59:00 AM  
Blogger Karma said...

Ah, you do know what would comfort me. I miss that sushi place; I have no one to go with now...although maybe I'll take my date.

Wednesday, January 24, 2007 6:53:00 PM  
Blogger Gail Rae said...

This time, I read the other comments before commenting. Looks like there are people in your life who are responding to you, even if they're not the ones from whom you need responses. There's probably a lesson in there, somewhere, for both you and me, but I'm not sure what it is...

Saturday, February 10, 2007 10:15:00 AM  
Blogger Karma said...

There's probably a couple of lessons here - - one is that I probably seek out the lonely spaces to confirm my lonely fears.

Two is that its easier to connect with people on blogs than in real life.

Three is that everything is temporary and I need to learn to feel the support that I do have and also find calmness within myself.

Saturday, February 10, 2007 10:20:00 AM  

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