JewBu Quest: From Abuse to Happiness

JewBu: a Jew who practices forms of Buddhist meditation & spirituality. This blog documents my quest to 1) heal from sexual, verbal, and emotional abuse, 2) come to terms with losing Mom and Grandma to Alzheimers, 3) find balance, explore the spiritual, stay present. Bascially, I've experienced some pretty crappy shit in my life and want to find a way to move past it and find happiness.

Monday, January 15, 2007

Taking the Path of Least Resistence: Baby Steps Instead of Leaps

I'm trying to not force myself to do things so much and to be able to reconnect with my gut. So, instead of dealing with the whole "Notebook" issue, I just went over to some friends' place to watch the "L Word." *A* ended up getting dropped off over at my place after going bowling and drinking, so he spent the night, and we had breakfast. But, I have come to terms better now that what we have is a friendship. In part, I feel this way because I'm pretty convinced that he's gay.

But anyway, today, I'm trying to force myself to get into my thesis work, but this is somewhat unsuccessful. I know that getting the thesis done is the key to having options about moving forward with my life including being able to spend some time with Mom again.

I'm trying to work on the task that the therapist from Kansas City left me with, to connect with more people but on more superficial levels. I tend to get too dependent and emeshed with a small group of people. She pointed out that healthy people have connections with people on mulitple levels of depth, and that task is to work on just getting out there more and connecting with more people.

Tonight I have a first date with someone that I met last year on but never bothered meeting because I was traveling so much. We're just meeting for a drink at the bar around the corner. My friend, Merissa, might come up to town to visit later this week. I'm proud of myself for not isolating myself. Now, if I could only concentrate on getting my work done!

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Blogger Gail Rae said...

Just a note about "Notebook"; although almost everyone I know, especially those involved with people who have dementia, has seen it, I have had no desire to see it. I've seen a few Alzheimer's movies, most notably "I Remember Love" with Joanne Woodward, and I find that when I watch these things, I have this tendency to look for stuff in my mother that may or may not happen; rather than accept her life at face value. I don't know if this will prove true for you, but I thought I'd mention it.

Saturday, February 10, 2007 1:58:00 AM  
Blogger Karma said...

This does prove true for me sometimes; most strongly in last week's episode of "Gray's Anatomy" where the mother with Alzheimer's all of a sudden is completely lucid and has her memory back for like a day or something. I got very sad wishing that I could have my mom back for a day too. But the whole thing is fiction and not a good mention space to go to.

Saturday, February 10, 2007 9:45:00 AM  

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