JewBu Quest: From Abuse to Happiness

JewBu: a Jew who practices forms of Buddhist meditation & spirituality. This blog documents my quest to 1) heal from sexual, verbal, and emotional abuse, 2) come to terms with losing Mom and Grandma to Alzheimers, 3) find balance, explore the spiritual, stay present. Bascially, I've experienced some pretty crappy shit in my life and want to find a way to move past it and find happiness.

Tuesday, January 09, 2007

Homecoming

On the way to the airport yesterday, Dad thanked me for helping out so much. He told me that he knows that hearing about the family sqwabbles over money upsets me, but he can't talk to Mom about it anymore, and since he doesn't feel comfortable talking about this stuff with my sister, I'm the only one he can talk to. Its so strange that Dad and I have become so close since we have such a rockey past.

I called my sister at the airport, and we had an open conversation trying to figure out how much time we have with Mom by comparing what happened with Grandma. We agreed that Namenda has slowed things down, but we still likely don't have more than a few years, max. But, there's no way to really know, and it could be even faster than that.

It was hard to leave Mom. I tucked her into bed Sunday night, and things were a mess at the place. But, I called the supervisory staff Monday before leaving town and touched base with them. They're in the midst of hiring a lot more people and still getting the kinks out. Normally, when I tuck Mom in I say "I love you. Sweet dreams. I'll see you tomorrow." Mom would respond "I love you. See you tomorrow." That night, she said "thanks for being there for me."

I have been trying to stop the urget to contact Kathy, but last night waiting for my luggage, I couldn't help but text her something along the lines of "Is that really it? After 4+ years of friendship?" She emailed me later that night telling me that I expect too much out of our friendship and insinuating that she doesn't want to talk to me anymore. Even though that I know that she's responding this way to many people in her life and this probably isn't about me, it still really hurts.

I was so happy to come home that when I walked in the door, I cried a little. Finally, I'm back in my own space with my own things, and everything's here to make me comfortable instead of me being around to take care of my family at Dad's house of remnants of their life together...in a sagging bed....I've been pretty out of it though. Its hard to adjust back and forth. Luckily, I have an appointment with my therapist this afternoon and maybe I'll work out afterwards. Even though I REALLY need to get on finishing my thesis hard core soon, things are pretty flexible today, and I'm trying to ease into life here.

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5 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Welcome back! I'm sure some warm climate and seeing more sunshine will help pick some of your spirits back up after the empty trees in KC. Sometimes, it's just really nice to be home - hug the doggie for me!

Love, S.

Wednesday, January 10, 2007 8:34:00 AM  
Blogger tafka PP said...

I second S, dog-time rocks! So I've just caught up- have not had time for blogging, unfortunately. Anyway, you get to regrouping. I'll speak to you soon (and see you soon too...)

Wednesday, January 10, 2007 8:38:00 AM  
Blogger Karma said...

Yes, it is so good to be home and back with my dog, who wakes me up with kisses and snuggles with me as I fall asleep. Hey Sanchi, you guys should look at schools to apply to out here :)

I can't wait to see you PP.

Wednesday, January 10, 2007 9:37:00 AM  
Blogger Gail Rae said...

Belated welcom home, Karma!

Saturday, February 10, 2007 1:31:00 AM  
Blogger Karma said...

Its still really good to be home.

Saturday, February 10, 2007 9:55:00 AM  

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