Homecoming

On the way to the airport yesterday, Dad thanked me for helping out so much. He told me that he knows that hearing about the family sqwabbles over money upsets me, but he can't talk to Mom about it anymore, and since he doesn't feel comfortable talking about this stuff with my sister, I'm the only one he can talk to. Its so strange that Dad and I have become so close since we have such a rockey past.

I called my sister at the airport, and we had an open conversation trying to figure out how much time we have with Mom by comparing what happened with Grandma. We agreed that Namenda has slowed things down, but we still likely don't have more than a few years, max. But, there's no way to really know, and it could be even faster than that.

It was hard to leave Mom. I tucked her into bed Sunday night, and things were a mess at the place. But, I called the supervisory staff Monday before leaving town and touched base with them. They're in the midst of hiring a lot more people and still getting the kinks out. Normally, when I tuck Mom in I say "I love you. Sweet dreams. I'll see you tomorrow." Mom would respond "I love you. See you tomorrow." That night, she said "thanks for being there for me."

I have been trying to stop the urget to contact Kathy, but last night waiting for my luggage, I couldn't help but text her something along the lines of "Is that really it? After 4+ years of friendship?" She emailed me later that night telling me that I expect too much out of our friendship and insinuating that she doesn't want to talk to me anymore. Even though that I know that she's responding this way to many people in her life and this probably isn't about me, it still really hurts.

I was so happy to come home that when I walked in the door, I cried a little. Finally, I'm back in my own space with my own things, and everything's here to make me comfortable instead of me being around to take care of my family at Dad's house of remnants of their life together...in a sagging bed....I've been pretty out of it though. Its hard to adjust back and forth. Luckily, I have an appointment with my therapist this afternoon and maybe I'll work out afterwards. Even though I REALLY need to get on finishing my thesis hard core soon, things are pretty flexible today, and I'm trying to ease into life here.