JewBu Quest: From Abuse to Happiness

JewBu: a Jew who practices forms of Buddhist meditation & spirituality. This blog documents my quest to 1) heal from sexual, verbal, and emotional abuse, 2) come to terms with losing Mom and Grandma to Alzheimers, 3) find balance, explore the spiritual, stay present. Bascially, I've experienced some pretty crappy shit in my life and want to find a way to move past it and find happiness.

Thursday, January 04, 2007

More Migraines and Anxiety

I went to bed last night developing a migraine. Clearly, there's too much anxiety in my life right now. I think I'm going to drop at least one of my classes, so that I don't have to hit the ground running as much when I return home.

Here's what's driving my anxiety right now: My dad and sister are still going on and on about Grandma's estate and my aunt's behavior. I was supposed to meet for lunch with my friend who works at the bank and manages my grandmother's estate, but had to cancel because of the migraine. She still wants to talk to me about this. I'm having dinner at her house tomorrow night. Her husband, my lawyer, called me up today encouraging me to sue my father because he's going to use his power of attorney to have the money that Mom will inherit from her mother to go to him. I reiterated to my friend that I'm not suing my family. But, I'm a bit uncomfortable now with both of them, especially since she's been messing a bit with my dad and sister, I think unintentionally. Its clear though, at least, that she's been pushing to meet with me and my sister more than with my cousins because she's setting us up to potentially challenge Dad's rights over my mother's share of the money. Gross! I really want no part of any of it BUT I'm hoping that by having this dinner where we don't talk about it all that we can retrack our friendship. Am I being naive?

My date for Saturday wants to pick me up (will she hint to my father something about it being a date and blow that I'm not out to him) at the house at 10:30pm. I negotiated 10pm, but this messes with my cognative behavioral sleep schedule that has me asleep at 11pm. We're going to the lesbian bar downtown, and it will be difficult for me to get home without her....but its a half hour drive down there, so its clearly going to be a later night than I need. I hate having this sleep issue; it almost always messes with dating. So what am I supposed to do? If I mess with my sleep schedule, I can make myself sick and throw it off altogether, although I guess that I'm flying in a few days to a different time zone so it'll get messed up already. This is just a longer term issue than just Saturday night. Its an issue of how to have a social life and keep the sleep schedule.

I just hope that by getting this out tonight on my blog, I can go sleep off the migraine tonight and wake up feeling better tomorrow. I scheduled a massage for Mom, which I'm hoping I can get my father to pay for on a regular basis, but the massage therapist wants me there the first time to help get Mom on the table and to be around if needed. I'm going to get sandwichs for Mom, me, and Mom's cousin and maybe my sister and her gang (they just got back into town tonight). Mom's really excited. Then, Saturday, I'm going to pick Mom up and take her to my sister's house, where I've arranged for my father to make us all his specialty, hamburgers. I'm trying to pack in doing nice things for her before I leave again. Leaving her with no scheduled return is another big piece of my anxiety....

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2 Comments:

Blogger Gail Rae said...

Step back and breathe, Karma!
I hope to read that this is exactly what you did.
I am especially curious about the estate stuff because I STILL have not gotten around to the problems of updating my mother's will, etc; all of which need to be updated. So many family issues involved...I'm curious to see how this works out in your family after-the-fact, since I've been thinking, ah, hell, just let it go and let the chips fall where they may afterwards. I'm seeing, from your experience, that this isn't a good idea.

Saturday, February 10, 2007 1:20:00 AM  
Blogger Karma said...

Yes, Gail, please don't wait on updating your mother's will. If there's one thing I learned from this experience, it is that money and inheritence brings out the worst in people. If you can plan things out with her and know what she wants and have it in writing, you'll save yourself a lot of headaches down the road.

Saturday, February 10, 2007 10:03:00 AM  

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