JewBu Quest: From Abuse to Happiness

JewBu: a Jew who practices forms of Buddhist meditation & spirituality. This blog documents my quest to 1) heal from sexual, verbal, and emotional abuse, 2) come to terms with losing Mom and Grandma to Alzheimers, 3) find balance, explore the spiritual, stay present. Bascially, I've experienced some pretty crappy shit in my life and want to find a way to move past it and find happiness.

Monday, May 28, 2007

Shopping at Macy's: I Miss My Mom

Jerry schleped me along with him to Macy's tonight for this crazy sale. (They were practically giving some of this stuff away!) All of a sudden, it hit me: I miss my mom. Mom would always take me shopping for clothes; I've rarely done any clothing shopping (outside of when I lived in Israel) that wasn't with my mom. She would tell me what looked good on me and buy me things, and it was just always this special thing between us and maybe sometimes my sister too. Since Mom got into these later stages of Alzheimer's, I've done almost no clothing shopping (except for her and when I bought this dress last year for a friend's wedding). I don't think that I'll go again for a long while, and not just because I don't have money to spend on clothes. It is just too strong of a reminder that I don't have my mom in my life anymore, at least not like she used to be. And I'll never have that. We'll never go shopping again like we used to. Ever.

She was alwasy so good to me, and I don't think that I ever fully appreciated her.

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Blogger tafka PP said...

I think we never do until things aren't how they used to be anymore.

Sending you a hug.

Thursday, May 31, 2007 2:46:00 AM  
Blogger Karma said...

Thanks PP.

Thursday, May 31, 2007 9:15:00 AM  
Blogger Marj aka Thriver said...

I feel your grief and I hope you can receive some comfort from the wonderful memories of closeness and acceptance that you have from times with your mother. These are precious memories indeed!

Friday, June 01, 2007 9:52:00 AM  
Blogger Karma said...

Very precious....I hope that I can learn to give myself the kind of self-esteem and positive feedback that my mom used to give to me.

Friday, June 01, 2007 10:59:00 AM  
Blogger I Survive! said...

I overheard someone talking on their phone today. He was talking about how after his parents died, he started recognizing how his parents never left him. He was saying that he noticed things he did/said that would be something his parents would have done/said.

I think you have seen how much she meant to you. You now have an opportunity to send her a thank you card, to show your appreciation for all that she has done. She deserves it. She might not remember it, but she will enjoy a thank you note when she sees it :-)

Sunday, June 03, 2007 4:54:00 PM  
Blogger Shari said...

So many things can trigger a memory.


Monday, June 04, 2007 12:24:00 PM  
Blogger Karma said...

This is what I was just saying in a comment on the next post: it can be really helpful just to have a little note of support, as short as "hugs". Makes me feel better, supported.

Monday, June 04, 2007 1:15:00 PM  
Blogger Gail Rae said...

I think appreciation is ALWAYS in arrears, Karma. So, don't beat yourself up about this. I agree that memories have a huge value of their own, since The Past is always a more important part of our life than the present or future...regardless of how we wish it was.
Feel the missing, feel the sadness, feel the poignance of your mother's current situation, and yours in relationship to her, and, you know, carry on.

Wednesday, June 13, 2007 11:03:00 AM  

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