JewBu Quest: From Abuse to Happiness

JewBu: a Jew who practices forms of Buddhist meditation & spirituality. This blog documents my quest to 1) heal from sexual, verbal, and emotional abuse, 2) come to terms with losing Mom and Grandma to Alzheimers, 3) find balance, explore the spiritual, stay present. Bascially, I've experienced some pretty crappy shit in my life and want to find a way to move past it and find happiness.

Sunday, March 16, 2008

Searching for Center Admist Ups and Downs

There's been so much to write about, but my energy level has been really low, so at the end of the day, I often log in to start writing, but don't get very far and then just delete it because nothings quite making sense. This week has been full of big ups and downs, as is usual for my life. I want to put some focus on trying to stay centered and not letting myself go so far up and so far down.

Some of the ups of the week: I finished teaching my class. I had several students tell me that the class greatly impacted them. One student came with me to do a poetry reading, and it was very powerful. Then we chatted for a long while and I gave her some tools for healing from rape (she's a recent survivor). It felt good to be able to do that for someone and to recognize how far I've come. Yesterday at my gym, the owner showed me how to do some new exercises and then did some acupressure on my neck.

Some of the downs of the week: I was turned down for a big fellowship that I spent a lot of time applying for. Mom's condition continues to worsen.

Some of the anxiety producing things of the week: Dad is spending a lot of energy on a relationship with some secret woman that he won't tell me or my sister about, and while I felt okay about his dating before, now I'm feeling kind of uncomfortable about the whole thing. I had a last minute workshop to throw together that I did yesterday. I was told to present for 10 minutes and show up and see that I'm supposed to co-facilitate an hour and a half workshop with another person that I've never met before. There's been more to do this week than time to do it in.

I'm starting to sleep a little better, although its still a struggle. I'm trying to put more energy and focus into taking care of myself. I leave for Kansas City in a week and a half. I'll be gone for three weeks - at two conferences and spending time with my family. But, after that, I will have an open schedule. I want to plan a mini-vacation, maybe back to Esalen or some meditation retreat somewhere.

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Blogger April_optimist said...

Sounds like you've been dealing with an awful lot of stuff. I'm glad to hear you're taking care of yourself--as much as you can.

Fellowships are frustrating. My daughter has spent lots of time applying for some, too, and been turned down. And you've got these other things going on.

Just want to let you know I'm thinking of you.

Sunday, March 16, 2008 2:24:00 PM  
Blogger Marj aka Thriver said...

Have been a little AWOL myself lately. But, I saw you over at April's blog and I thought I'd stop by to say hello and that I'm thinking of you. Thanks for the update. Sending centering vibes.

Wednesday, March 19, 2008 9:40:00 AM  
Blogger Karma said...

Thanks April and Marj!

Wednesday, March 19, 2008 10:57:00 AM  
Blogger April_optimist said...

Still thinking of you and hoping you're okay.

Monday, March 31, 2008 1:59:00 PM  
Blogger April_optimist said...

Hope you're okay. Sometimes these fellowships and things are a numbers game. My daughter got turned down for every one except one. And she applied for a whole bunch of them.

Thursday, April 10, 2008 3:01:00 PM  

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